Healing
by Thats-So-Alex
Summary: Since Edward left, Bella is broken beyond repair. It doesn't help that she still has to see Edward everyday at School, but to help herself Bella finds relief in the one thing that made her lose him. AU, OOC. Full description inside. Rating changed.
1. Preface

******A/N: Hi everyone! :) This is going to be a long author's note. I've got a lot to tell you.**

**I originally started this story back in May I think, but gave up because I had no ideas. I've got ideas now. :) **

**Warning: This story is going to contain mentions of: Self-Harm, Cutting and mentions of Suicide. It's also quite OOC for both Bella and Edward. Also Jacob (who will appear later.) will probably be quite OOC as well. **

**This story is going to be a _lot _darker than anything I've ever written. Including all my depressing one-shots. It's set in New Moon. Edward leaves Bella, but the Cullens don't leave Forks. Got that? They are still Vampires. **

**I'm excited for this story and I hope you all like it. :) If anybody's got any questions just PM me and I'll try and help you. :) **

**Here's the preface for you all. Enjoy! Oh, and please review at the end! They make me happy!**

******_Update: Rating changed to M because of Self-Harm._**  


Preface:

I decided. This was my decision.

I had enough. I wasn't the person I used to be anymore. I wasn't who everybody wanted me to be. I wasn't going to be who everybody wanted me to be.

_He _didn't want me. _He _had never wanted me. Everything he'd ever said to me had been a lie. A pathetic lie.

He'd never really loved me. He'd never really wanted to be with me forever. I'd just been something he'd used to pass the time.

A toy. A fragile, human toy.

Well, if he didn't want me then what was the point in being here anymore? He was my whole world, even when he wasn't a part of it.

I'd tried to keep myself whole. I'd tried to not break into tiny little pieces. I'd tried not to let Charlie see how much pain I was really in. I'd tried to keep myself normal.

I walked a little bit further forward until I was standing right against the edge.

This was it.

I forced myself to think the words. The words I tried not to let myself think for the past 6 months. The words that made the hole in my chest open. The words that made me scream.

_Edward, I love you. _

Just as I was about to jump, I heard the one voice, I'd been longing to hear all this time.

"Bella..."

**A/N: Please review! :)**


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: Thanks for all reviews and the story alerts! :) I didn't get many but I'm hoping that will change soon. :) **

**Here's chapter one for you all. :) I'm getting ahead with the writing, so I should update again in a couple of days. :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. All of the characters belong to the amazing SM. I only own them in my dreams. Thats where I also own Robert Pattinson. ;) **

**Happy reading! **

Chapter One:

_Bella's Point of View: _

It's still hard to get my head around the idea that he's never coming back for me. He's never going to be here for me again. He's never going to tell me that he loves me, because he doesn't. The last 6 months of my life have been a complete and utter lie.

I rolled over in my bed and looked at my alarm clock. _1.30 am. _Well, great. I've got to get up for school in 5 and a half hours, and I'm no closer to being asleep than I was five minutes ago.

I'm used to it now. Well, not really. I'll never get used to the idea. I mean, I'm used to the not being able to sleep thing. That bit I'm used to.

I'm used to the nightmares. I'm used to waking up in the middle of night crying. I'm used to waking up in the middle of the night shaking so hard that I'm almost convulsing.

But, do you know what makes it even worse? It's that _he _is the reason behind my tears. _He _is the reason why I scream. _He _is the reason why there is a hole in my chest that burns every time I think about him.

I can't bring myself to think his name. I can't let myself go through the emotional pain of thinking it, or anything to do with him.

_He _is the one that left me in the forest, telling me he didn't love me anymore. That I was no good for him.

I sighed deeply, just as the tears started to stream down my face. I'd never thought it was possible to cry as much as I had done in the past week. A loud sob broke through my mouth, so I brought my hand up to quieten the sobs.

Charlie has seen enough of my pain in the past week to last him a lifetime. It wasn't fair for me to do this. I hadn't done anything in the past week. Sitting in my room. Not eating, not sleeping. Well, at least not properly.

If everybody had just ignored my birthday like I'd asked in the first place, then none of this would have ever happened. We'd still be together, and he'd be here holding me while I slept, and telling me everything would be okay.

Although I'd said this. I couldn't help but think that he would have still left. He would have still stopped loving me. He would have still left me like he did.

The tears were still streaming down my face, as I finally drifted off to sleep. Waiting for the nightmares that were to surely come.

xoxoxo

I woke up too my alarm blaring out at me the next morning. I stuck my arm out and pressed the 'Off' button.

I sat up and moved the hair out of my face. My face was all sticky from where the tears had dried to my face overnight. I think I'd eventually stopped crying, but I'd woken up at some point in the night, sobbing again.

I robotically moved myself out of bed, and trudged across the hall to the bathroom. I took off my pyjamas and got into the shower. Although the hot water felt nice against my cold and clammy skin, it didn't do what it normally did. The water didn't take all the tension from my shoulders. It didn't unknot the muscles all over my body. It didn't make me feel better.

After I'd washed my hair, and stood in the shower until the water ran cold. I got out, wrapped myself in a towel and made my way back to my bedroom.

I quickly got dressed into a simple jeans and sweater combination before pulling my hair back into a ponytail. I walked slowly down the stairs until I reached the kitchen.

Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table reading today's newspaper.

"Morning, Dad." I'd only just noticed how dead my voice actually sounded. I'd have to work on that before I got to school this morning.

"Morning, Bells." He looked up from the newspaper and smiled weakly at me.

I didn't bother smiling back. I didn't feel up to doing that just yet.

I walked towards the fridge and pulled out a carton of orange juice, and then grabbed a cereal bar.

Charlie's chair scraped along the kitchen floor and he stood up. "I'll see you later, Bells. Have a good day at school."

"Bye." Yep, my voice definitely sounded dead. I was a zombie.

He took one last look at me and then walked out of the door.

I sighed as I stood against the counter nibbling at my breakfast. Although it had only been a week, it was already noticeable how much weight I'd lost. Not only was it unhealthy, it was scary. Very, scary.

I threw the rest of the cereal bar in the bin, before walking towards the front door and sliding my shoes on. I grabbed my bag and then made my way outside into the rain.

There wasn't any point in pulling my hood up. I couldn't care less about getting wet. I didn't even want to be going back to school today. All I wanted to do was stay in my room, away from everything. But that wouldn't help anybody, myself included.

I climbed into my truck and turned the engine on. Well, at least it still worked.

It only just dawned on me what I was about to actually do. Not only was I about to go back to school, and let everybody see me, and see what the effect on me had actually been.

I'd have to see Edward and Alice as well. Did I forget to mention that part?

Yeah, he left me, but they still live in Forks. So I still have to put up with seeing him everday. Just thinking about this made the hole in my chest burn.

Could my life get any more complicated?

I'd found that by wrapping one arm around my torso, it felt as though it held me together. If I could hold myself together then I didn't have to worry.

I took one hand off the steering wheel and wrapped it around my torso. I was almost at school anyway.

I breathed deeply through the burn, and pulled into the school parking lot. I hadn't noticed that I was quite early. There weren't many cars here.

I turned the engine off and rested my head on the steering wheel, with my arm still wrapped around my torso.

I sat there for a good 10 minutes before deciding to get out and make my way into school. I climbed out of the truck and shut the door.

"Bella!" I heard a voice call my name and turned in the direction it was coming from.

I saw Jessica hurrying across the parking lot towards me. Angela was following closely behind her.

"Hey Bella!" She smiled when she reached me.

"Hi." I made sure that my voice didn't sound as dead as it had done with Charlie this morning. Well, I tried.

"It's good to have you back at school." Angela smiled sympathetically at me.

She'd heard what had happened then. Everybody probably had. In a town like Forks, nothing was kept secret. Well, unless you were good at keeping it.

Like, I don't know the fact that you're a vampire or something.

"Thanks. It's good to be back." Lying happened a lot easier than expected.

The bell rang, saving me from any further interrogation from either of them.

"We better get to class I suppose." Jess smiled at me once more before taking off in the direction towards the school.

"What lesson have we got?" I asked after her.

"English."

Both of them hung back for a second so I could catch up.

"'Kay. Thanks."

"You know they're both here, right Bella?" Jess asked as I caught up to them.

In the short amount of time I'd known Jess, she wasn't one to beat around the bush. If she wanted to say something. She came right out and said it.

Angela shot a look at Jessica, and then shot a sympathetic look at me.

"Um. Yeah." I whispered. What else could I say?

We made our way into school and towards the classroom.

"I don't know what happened to Edward in our English class. I think he switched. That's what I heard anyway." Jess said as we made our way into English.

"Jess, stop it. You're going to upset Bella." Angela whispered.

Jess took a double take then. "I'm sorry, Bella! I didn't think."

I sat down at the desk. A few people that were already in the classroom turned round to look at me.

"Don't worry about it." I smiled, although it probably didn't look right. "It's fine."

Jess sat down next to me, and then Angela sat across from us.

"I really am sorry." Jess smiled sympathetically.

The lesson was started then, so I was saved from any more apologising from Jessica.

I'd just realised one thing. The rest of the year was probably going to be the same way. People worrying about upsetting me. People worrying about saying the wrong thing.

Was it that obvious I was falling apart?

If I noticed how much I'd changed over the past week, then other people certainly had.

xoxoxo

The rest of the morning went by fast. I didn't even realise lunch had come around until we were half-way across the cafeteria.

"Bella?" Angela's voice asked from next to me.

"Yeah?" I turned to look at her.

"It's going to be okay." She smiled.

This is why I'd always liked Angela. She was too perceptive, but she generally cared. The deal with Jessica was that she was always looking for gossip rather than wanting to be a good friend.

"I know." And for the first time, I had hope that it really was.

We walked into the Cafeteria, and then towards the table once we'd got some food. I probably wasn't going to eat it. Well, not all of it.

"Hey Bella." Mike smiled at me from across the table.

He was never going to get the message.

"Hi." I sat down next to Jess at the table.

Conversations were launched then, and I tried my best to hang back from anything. No doubt I'd been a popular topic for the last week.

I noticed both Alice and Edward reach the table, although I didn't look their way. I was about to put myself through that.

No doubt they both knew exactly what I'd been going through the last week, and what I was still going through.

I wasn't the only one that didn't note their presence. Nobody did. Except Angela. But then again, it seemed as though Angela couldn't be mean to anybody. Even if they had done something entirely awful.

Nobody asked me why I hadn't been at school. Everybody obviously had the right idea. It was better that I didn't have to answer questions anyway.

Everything was going to be as hard as I'd first thought.

There was no getting away from the fact that I wasn't going to be healing anytime soon.

**A/N: I hope you all liked it! :) I've written chapter two, which should be up soon. :) I'm proud of all this story so far, and I can't wait to get it going. :) **

**Please review! They make me very happy! **


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N: OME! You Guys! 17 Reviews?! You are all EPIC! :D Thank You So Much! **

**Slight Warning. This is where we start to see the very depressed side of Bella. I'm sorry if I offend anybody in any way. It was not intentional. **

**Happy Reading! **

Chapter Two: 

_Bella's point of view: _

Painful. That's about the only word I can think of that explains what the rest of the school day was like.

The whole of lunch I was extremely self-conscious about Edward watching me, or looking at me anyway. Which he probably was.

I faded into the background during most of it. Everything I'd wanted to happen when I first got to Forks was happening a year too late.

I was headed back to my truck to go home when I was almost pounced on by Jess. Again.

"Bella!"

I turned round to face her. "Yeah?"

"I was just making sure you were okay..." She raised an eyebrow at me. She'd already answered her own question. She didn't even need me to answer it.

I lied anyway. I couldn't exactly say, 'Well actually Jess I'm not okay. I feel like my hearts been torn out of my chest and I can't breathe because of the big burning hole in my lungs...' it probably wouldn't go down that well.

"I'm fine." I lied quite smoothly actually.

She smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow then." She turned away. "Bye!"

I turned back to my truck, climbed in and headed out of the parking lot.

It was already easy to spot how people were already noticing how I really was. It was easy to tell. But unless people were just being extra observant at the minute.

The tears started silently streaming down my face as I drove home. I wasn't going to try and stop them. There was a whole day's worth pouring out at the minute.

I'd held all of the emotion I'd wanted to just vent out all day. Seeing Edward and Alice at school really hadn't helped with any of it.

All I wanted to do was go home and scream. To scream until I couldn't anymore.

Maybe then I'd feel better. Maybe then I'd actually be able to get on with my life and not feel broken anymore.

It wouldn't happen though.

I pulled into the driveway, behind the cruiser. It was strange for Charlie to be home this early. But then again he'd been coming home earlier recently.

Obviously to keep an eye on me.

Was he that worried I was going to do something stupid? The answer was yes, yes he was.

xoxoxo

The rest of the evening was almost as painful as school had been.

Charlie tried to make conversation with me, both when I got in from school and also at dinner. It didn't work.

He always tried. It never worked.

He'd given up after dinner and migrated to the flat screen. It always made him feel better.

I was upstairs in my room at the moment. It was where I spent most of my time at the moment anyway.

I'd actually got my math textbook in front of me and I was supposed to be doing homework. I wasn't concentrating enough to get it done though.

It was weird how alone I felt at the moment. I'd always been used to being on my own. Charlie was never here, and when he was it wasn't like we spent time together.

Renee hadn't exactly been the model parent either. She was always trying something new and was therefore hardly ever around.

So why did I feel so alone now?

Was it because _he _wasn't here with me? Probably.

I guess I'd got used to the company over the past 6 months. I'd got used to him being here every night. I'd got used to spending every single day with him.

I'd never be able to not get used to it. He'd had a too big impact on my life. He'd changed me. He'd made me know what love was really all about.

All of that was gone now. And it was never coming back.

I pushed my math textbook away from me and wrapped my right arm around my torso, just as the tears started streaming down my face again.

This was almost becoming a nightly occurrence. I'd think too much about him and then I'd feel the effects of it.

A few loud sobs broke through my mouth, so I wrapped my arm tighter and waited for the emotion to work its way out of my system. Well, tonight's emotion anyway. It would come back tomorrow. It always did.

I didn't sob anymore after that. The tears just carried on streaming down my face, rather quickly whilst I tried to keep a hold of what was left of me.

There wasn't much left. Not of my heart anyway. I don't think any of that was left. My heart was lost. It was the rest of me I was trying to hold on to.

My sanity. The rest of my feelings. If I lost anymore I'd just become nothing. I wouldn't be able to carry on. I wouldn't be able to pretend like everything was okay. I wouldn't be able to carry on the mask of being alright.

I just had to keep that part of me there. I had too.

Eventually the tears slowed and the burn in my chest subsided. I removed my arm from around me and stood up from my bed.

There was no way my homework was getting done now.

I walked across the hall to the bathroom, with my toiletries bag and pyjamas in my arm.

I looked in the mirror when I got to the bathroom and it was as if a different person was looking back at me.

This girl's skin was more translucent than it ever had been. This girl's eyes were red from where she had been crying too much. This girl wasn't somebody who I recognised.

She'd been changed. And not in a good way.

I changed into my pyjamas and brushed my teeth and tried my best to comb through the knots in my hair as well.

Just as I was about to leave the bathroom, I looked above the mirror to the bathroom cabinet. Thinking about taking cold medicine to make me sleep tonight.

I opened the doors and looked around the cabinet, searching, when I fell upon something else.

Something occurred to me then. It was something I'd never ever thought of doing. But people in pain did this kind of thing, right?

It gets rid of the pain you're feeling by replacing it with different pain.

If I did this, it would be exact opposite of anything I was ever allowed to do. It was pain for him. To see it. To smell it. To even be anywhere near it.

It wasn't the same for me. Sure, it made me want to faint. But it didn't have that affect on me. Not liked I hoped it would someday. That possibility was never coming true anymore.

I looked closer at the razor blade in the cabinet. Thinking. Wondering.

If this gave me relief. It would take away the pain I felt about him. Take it all away.

Nobody would ever know. It could be a secret. A dirty, painful little secret.

Almost thinking about it was giving me a strange sort of high, like I wanted to see what it would do. Like I wanted to feel the pain. To see the blood.

I shook my head, grabbed the razor blade and held it above my left wrist.

She'd see it. She'd see this was what I was going to do. He'd know this was what I was doing.

He wouldn't be able to stop me anymore. Nobody would.

I brought the blade closer until it was an inch away from my skin. Could I really do this?

To answer my own question, I brought the blade that little bit closer until it touched my skin...

**A/N: I hope you all liked it. I'm quite pleased with how this chapter came out. :) **

**I've got chapter three, so I'm trying to get myself ahead with the chapters. :) Don't expect the daily updates to last forever. They probably won't. **

**Please review! I want to know your thoughts. :) They are all important to me. :) **

**P.S. There's a little surprise coming up in chapter three. In the form of a different POV. I'll give out little previews for anybody that reviews! **

**So what are you waiting for? Go ahead and review! :D **

**Alex. xo. :)**


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I sent out previews to most people who reviewed. Sorry if you didn't get one! :( **

**I'm so happy with the response I'm getting! You are all amazing! **

**So, here's the surprise POV. If you didn't guess. :) **

**Happy Reading! **

Chapter Three: 

_Alice's Point of View: _

"You can't do this forever you know." I pointed out.

He turned to look at me, with such a murderous expression on his face, that it almost made me want to be scared. "What?" He snarled.

"Oh, get real Edward. You know what I'm talking about." I wasn't thinking anything. Well, obviously I was, but I was doing the alphabet backwards in my head. I wasn't about to let Edward see what I was really thinking.

"Just leave it Alice." He turned away and headed for the stairs. Probably up to his bedroom. That's mostly where he spent all his time nowadays anyway.

"No." I spat.

I had to stand my ground. Edward has to realise what he'd done. He'd realise it sooner or later anyway.

He turned back around and that same expression was back. Except it looked even worse than it had done a minute ago.

"No?" He mocked me. Quite well actually.

"You heard what I said." I started tapping my foot, probably along to the rhythm on the alphabet which I was still reciting backwards in my head. It was getting kind of tedious now actually.

"So, what? You want me to just walk back into her life like I never did anything? Like it was before?" His voice got louder with each word he said.

"You're not the only one that's been affected by this Edward. It's affected all of us. Every. Single. One." I decided to stop reciting the alphabet then.

_With the exception of Rosalie. She doesn't really care either way. _I smirked a little bit. It didn't lighten Edward's expression though.

"I know that Alice." He sighed.

"You obviously don't. If you had any clue whatsoever then we wouldn't be in this mess would we?"

"I can't. We can't. It has to stay this way."

"Did you even _see _her today?!" _See how entirely broken she is already?! _My thoughts were screeching almost as high as my words had been. I couldn't let myself think back to how it really had been today. It was worse than I'd ever thought it would be.

Edward flinched, but the expression still didn't change. "Of course." He was answering both questions. Not just the spoken one and not just the thought.

"Of course?" I mocked him back. "What does that even mean?!"

"Don't make me say it out loud, Alice. Just don't."

I frowned, but stayed standing where I was. It wouldn't help either of us if we stood any closer. I'd probably end up hurting him.

"You say that you did this because it was the right thing to do. If it was the right thing to do then you wouldn't be like this." _You can't just keep...moping. I don't think moping's even what you're doing. You're just...lifeless. _

Edward laughed so darkly, it was almost a snarl. "That's how it should be. We can't be a part of her life anymore, Alice. We just can't."

"That makes no sense!" My voice rose through about 4 different octaves. "You think that she can just go back to pretending like you never existed? Like you never had any kind of impact on her life? Nobody, human or otherwise ever forgets something like what happened to Bella. They just don't."

Edward noticeably flinched when I said her name. "You know the reasons why Alice." He was going off topic now.

"Oh. Of course. 'You don't love her anymore'. Yeah right, Edward. You would have to be very stupid if you actually believe that. You don't see what we see Edward. You didn't see the change in you when she first came along, and you don't see the change now she's gone."

"She will forget, and she _will _move on."

I rolled my eyes. _If that's what you believe, then fine._

"But just remember this. You're not the only person that has lost somebody that they truly care for." I turned away from him and went to walk someone else, when I was hit by a vision.

_Bella standing in her bathroom, looking into the bathroom cabinet, searching for cold medicine. Her eyes land upon something else. Something that is probably not hers or at least not something she would ever look for. She brings the object out and holds it up to look at it. A razor. She looks closer, and eventually brings it closer until it connects with the skin on her wrist..._

I spun back around and looked at Edward. The expression on his face is not something I probably ever want to see again. It's not even describable.

He's just seen the vision. The vision where Bella purposely hurts herself.

"What. Was. That?" He managed to choke out.

"Don't make me tell you. Please." I whispered. If I could cry, that's probably what I would be doing right about now.

"But why would she...?" He didn't finish the sentence he didn't need too.

"She's in pain Edward, she -"

He interrupted me. "She doesn't need to give herself anymore pain!" He yelled.

"Well then do something about it!" I screeched. "Go and help her!"

"No. We can't Alice."

"Did you not see what I just saw?" I frowned deeply at him. _How can you even say that we can't help her? She could die! _

"You would have seen that." Edward pointed out. The expression was still on his face, but he raised an eyebrow at my thought, and then at his spoken words. Like he was ashamed of himself for even saying it.

I couldn't even bring myself to say the words out loud this time. _Who are you? I don't even know who you are anymore Edward. I really don't._

"We can't be a part of her life anymore, Alice. You know that, and I know that."

"No Edward. I don't know that." _We can't just not do anything. She knows we'll have seen her doing it. Don't you think that us not doing anything will just make her worse? Oh, that's right you don't care anymore do you? _

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, and then exhaled. "Of course I care! I'm doing this _because _I care. I'm not being part of her life anymore because I _care_!"

I laughed a dark laugh. "Do you know the real reason behind you doing this?"

Edward didn't do anything.

"You're a coward, Edward." I didn't wait to hear his response or to even see his expression. I turned away from him and walked away. I didn't know where I was going but anywhere beats being near him at the moment.

He said he'd done this because he cared. If he cared that much then why wasn't he going to help Bella?

Bella needed him. She was doing this because she needs him.

Maybe one day he'll actually realise this. I just hope that day comes sooner rather than later.

There's nothing that we can do. Edward needs to realise it on his own, and as much as I want to do something to help both of them. There's nothing I can do.

I walked further away from the house, and more towards the nearby forest.

Bella is more broken than any of us ever thought she would be. She's not going to heal anytime soon.

**A/N: So, the ending is a bit crappy, but I like the rest of the chapter. I hope you all do too! :) **

**I've decided that Alice or Edward's POV's are probably going to turn up quite a lot. :) **

**Chapter 4 should be up as soon as possible. :) I've got a lot of school stuff going on at the moment. So I'm sorry if updates get a little bit scarce. :| **

**I'm going to start doing Fan-Fic updates on my Twitter. :) So if you've got it Follow me! www(dot)twitter(dot)com/ThatsSoAlex 'Kay?**

**Anyway. Review please! They make me very happy! :D **

**Oh, I want to name the review button. Like I did with A Not-So New Beginning (If you read that) so if anybody's got any name suggestions, leave them in your review. :D T**


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N: OhMyFreakingEdwardCullen! 40 Reviews And 749 Hits?! You Guys Are So Freaking Amazing! *Group Hug!* Awww! I Never Ever Expected This Response! Please Keep All Of It Up, You Are The Best!**

**Right. This is where things get kicked up a notch. Take heed of the warning. :) Remember what I said. If anybody has got any questions about the story. Just PM Me, I don't bite I promise! :) **

**Happy Reading! **

Chapter Four: 

_Previously: __I brought the blade closer until it was an inch away from my skin. Could I really do this?_

_To answer my own question, I brought the blade that little bit closer until it touched my skin..._

_Bella's Point of View: _

It didn't hurt. Or at least I didn't feel the pain straight away. As soon as the blade connected with my skin, the blood immediately rushed to the surface. The cut wasn't large. I wasn't about to cut my wrists open completely. That was never the intention. It would never be the intention.

The intention was to make the other pain I was feeling go away by replacing it with this new pain. It was then that I felt the sting of cutting myself.

"Ouch." I knew this would be the consequence. That was the whole point, right? If I didn't feel any sort of pain then what was the point in doing it?

I needed to feel the pain. I needed to see the blood.

It didn't make me feel ill, like I thought it would, or like it normally does. The blood was still rushing from the small wound, but you could see that it was slowing.

I was still holding the blade in my right hand, wondering about cutting myself again.

I stood there, staring at the object, wondering how such a tiny could have such a large impact on my life in such a small amount of time.

I guess it was kind of like _him_. He'd had a large impact on my life in such a small amount of time. He'd meant more to me than this stupid inanimate object ever would, but the same concept applied. Sort of.

I stopped thinking about anything else right there. I wasn't doing this just so I could start thinking about _him _again.

I quickly washed the razor and put it back into the cabinet, before going to look at the wound on my wrist again.

The blood had stopped but of course the wound had started to dry and it looked a lot nastier than it had done originally. In fact it looked a lot worse than I'd ever intended.

I hunted through the cabinet until I found a small bandage. I washed my wrist under the water and then wrapped the bandage around it.

No-one would ever know. This was my secret. My dirty, painful little secret. And even if they wanted too, they would never take this away from me.

They'd taken too much. I wasn't about to let them take this as well.

xoxoxo

I woke up the next morning with tears streaming down my face, and I was shaking. The nightmares were still the same. I think they would always be here. There would never be anything I would ever be able to do about that.

I climbed out of bed and wiped the tears away from my eyes, and moved the hair out of my face. I found some clothes to wear, and decided that since I had my new 'hobby' long-sleeved sweaters would be the best thing to wear.

I walked out of my bedroom and towards the bathroom. I took off my pyjamas and climbed into the shower.

I stood in the shower for a few minutes, just letting the water cascade over my body, when I remembered the bandage on my wrist.

I brought my left wrist up towards me, and unwrapped the bandage from around my wrist. The wound had closed up over night, but still look pretty bad. It was basically a small cut across my wrist. If anybody saw it, it would mean questions would get asked. Unnecessary questions.

I put my wrist under the shower to try and clean the cut up a little bit. It stung when I first put it under there, but it wasn't pain that I wasn't expecting.

I finished washing my hair and the rest of my body, and then stood in the shower until the water ran cold.

I climbed out, dried myself and then quickly towel-dried my hair before getting dressed into my jeans and a sweater combination.

I sifted through the bathroom cabinet again and found another bandage to wrap around my wrist before I went downstairs. I'd have to make sure that I kept a stock of bandages now.

I eventually made my way downstairs, only to find that the house was empty. I was either late, or Charlie had just left early. It wasn't likely that I was late, since I'd woken up at the time I normally do.

I wasn't going to worry about it. I didn't need too.

I walked slowly towards the refrigerator, before deciding against eating breakfast. I wasn't hungry anyway.

After standing in the Kitchen for the next 10 minutes or so, I decided that I might as well go to school. It was almost 8am anyway. I wouldn't be late either way.

I grabbed my school bag, slid my shoes on and then made my way outside towards my truck.

Here we go again.

xoxoxo

The beginning of the school day was torture. Not only had I seen _him _already today, somebody had noticed the bandage on my wrist and asked me what I'd done.

So, so far not a very good day.

"Hey, Bella?"

Jessica's voice brought me out of my daydream.

"Um. Yeah?" I turned my head slightly and looked at her.

Jess looked back at me, raised her eyebrow and then shook her head. "Never mind."

I didn't say anything. I just carried on walking beside her. We were on our way to the Cafeteria at the moment. Which I wasn't looking forward to in the slightest.

I knew they both would know about my night-time 'activity' last night. I know that she would have seen it and then _he _would have seen it as well.

I couldn't care less. They wouldn't be able to stop me. Nobody would be able to stop me.

I was in too deep with it now. I'd realised that I wasn't feeling as much of the other sort of pain. I know that I'd only done it once. But it gave me this feeling. It made me feel good.

By the time I'd finished thinking about everything. We were already at the lunch table. I hadn't even noticed that I'd bought some food. I wouldn't eat it anyway. I wasn't hungry as it was.

Nobody spoke to me when I got there. Angela smiled timidly at me, but that's all I got.

I guess everybody had started to notice just how broken I really was.

I noticed them arrive at the table. I looked over at them from underneath my lashes, but they didn't look my way.

_He _had a serious expression on his face, and when he looked over towards me, I automatically regretted even looking his way.

He'd not changed. Obviously. But he looked as if he was in pain. His eyebrows were pushed together, and his eyes locked with mine for a small amount of time.

He'd never be in as much pain as me.

His eyes seemed to darken as he looked at me. I was still looking at him from underneath my lashes, so I wasn't technically looking at him. He cocked his head to the left slightly, as if he was studying me and then his eyes moved down to where my left arm was rested on the table. It was almost as if he was signalling that he knew. That he knew that I'd done last night, and that he was wondering about it.

He never looked back at me after that.

I stood up from the table, not saying a word and made my way out of the cafeteria.

I couldn't care less that I didn't really know where I was going.

I couldn't care less that I had class this afternoon.

Right now, I couldn't care less about anything.

I eventually found myself in the parking lot and headed towards my truck.

I walked towards my truck, climbed in and started the engine.

I drove out of the school parking lot, not even sure where it was that I was going, but I found myself headed back towards Home.

Home sounded like a good place to go.

I held myself together all the way there. Not crying. Not having to wrap my arm around my torso. It was good. Or, at least I think it was.

I arrived back at the house and parked my truck in the driveway. I climbed out, leaving my school bag behind and made my way towards the house.

I fumbled around in my pocket for the front door key, and then put it into the lock. My hands were shaking as I turned the key.

I controlled the shaking and then opened the front door.

I kicked my shoes off and made my way up the stairs.

I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me.

It was only when I looked in the mirror that I realised I was crying. In fact, the tears were streaming down my face.

I sniffed and a loud sob broke through.

I was going to hold myself together. I had to hold myself together.

I hastily opened the cabinet door and looked around for the object I knew I shouldn't be looking for.

I found it, and then looked at myself in the mirror again. The tears were still streaming down my face, and the sobs were coming out my mouth quicker than ever before.

I held the object above my wrist and brought it down against my skin. Making slashes against it.

Once, twice, three times.

I was crying too hard to notice the pain of it. The sobs were even faster and even louder than I'd ever thought they could be.

I brought the blade down once more, just as I collapsed onto the bathroom floor into an emotional heap.

I threw the blade across the bathroom floor and screamed.

I screamed for everything I'd lost. I screamed for everything I didn't have any more. And most of all, I screamed for what he'd pushed me too.

I looked down at the new slashes on my skin, to the blood that was coming out of them. The slashes that represented all of my feelings. The slashes that represented everything my life was all about.

**A/N: So, how was that? This was never the direction I intended to take with this chapter, but I wrote the beginnings of it and the rest just came. **

**I really hope you liked it. Carry on with all the great response! I know we can do it! :D **

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	6. Chapter Five

**A/N: *Squeals* 52 Reviews?! I got 12 Reviews for the last chapter. Do you know how happy I was this morning?! OME! I love you guys! You are just amazing!**

**I know that stuff might seem it is moving really fast, but there is a reason. Just bear with me. :) All will be explained shortly. :) **

**Happy Reading! **

Chapter Five: 

_Previously: __I screamed for everything I'd lost. I screamed for everything I didn't have any more. And most of all, I screamed for what he'd pushed me too._

_I looked down at the new slashes on my skin, to the blood that was coming out of them. The slashes that represented all of my feelings. The slashes that represented everything my life was all about._

_Bella's Point of View: _

"Bells?"

Charlie's voice woke me up. I didn't realise I'd fallen asleep.

"Bella?!" The voice came up the stairs again.

Damn. He'd have seen my truck. I'd had to move now.

I rolled over and then stood up from the bathroom floor.

I'd never moved after my little 'incident' this afternoon. I'd sat there sobbing and continually screaming for a long time.

I robotically moved myself towards the bathroom mirror and looked in it. My hair was matted from where I'd be laying on the floor, and my cheeks were tear stained. I couldn't let Charlie see me like this.

I quickly combed my fingers through my hair and splashed my face with cold water.

It didn't exactly change the way I was feeling at the moment, but it made my appearance look better.

I couldn't contemplate the way I was feeling at the moment. All of my emotions seemed to have gone for the time being.

It was good. If I wasn't feeling anything, then I couldn't get upset and then I wouldn't need to do anything. At least, I think it was good.

I walked out of the bathroom and trudged down the stairs, just as Charlie's voice yelled out at me again.

"Bella!"

I got to the bottom, and then made my way towards the kitchen.

"Dad? What's the matter?"

Charlie turned around and then frowned. "Where have you been?"

"Upstairs..." My voice was lifeless. There wasn't anything to it. He'd notice. He always did.

"You've been here all day haven't you?" Charlie folded his arms.

Oh Crap.

"No." It wasn't a lie. I'd only been here since the middle of Lunch Time.

"Don't lie to me Bella."

"I'm not!" I tried to put some volume behind my voice, but it just sounded a lot worse than it had done a minute ago. There was no emotion behind it. My voice was dead. Just like the rest of me. "I've been here since Lunch Time."

"Why?" Charlie started tapping his foot.

"I'd had enough. So I came home." That was a simple enough answer, right?

"This can't go on Bella. You know it."

I set my jaw. I wasn't about to get into this with him. He knew this subject was completely off limits.

Charlie's eyes moved down towards my arms, which were rested at my sides. I'd balled my hands into fists about 10 seconds ago.

His eyes moved towards my wrist, my left wrist.

"Bella?" Charlie stepped forward and grabbed my arm.

I tried to pull it back, but his grip was too strong.

He flipped my arm over, and looked at the slashes that were against my wrist. I'd never sorted them out after the incident this afternoon, and I hadn't covered them up.

"Bella?" Charlie was trying not to get angry. I could tell from the tone of his voice. "What did you do?"

I tried to jerk my wrist away, but he kept hold of it. "Let go, Dad." My eyes glazed over with tears. Tears that I didn't want to shed. Tears that I didn't want my Dad to see. Tears that my Dad didn't need to see.

"No." I looked up at him. I'd never seen my Dad cry. But maybe there's a first time for everything. "Tell me what you did Bella."

"No. Please, Dad. Let go." My voice broke at the end. It wasn't a good sign. It told me that I was very close to breaking down. Very, very close.

Charlie dropped my wrist and then stepped away from me. "I don't know who you are anymore. What happened to you, Bella?"

A few tears dropped from my eyes and fell down my cheeks. My pretence was slowly wearing off. I wouldn't be able to keep going. I wouldn't be able to keep it going for much longer.

"You're not the only person to have something like this happen to them Bella."

That did it. "I know that." I snapped. "But you know what?" My voice got louder with every word. I'd never been one to shout. Especially at either of my parents. "None of it matters anymore. Does it? So just leave it, Dad. It has got nothing to do with you." I turned around and walked back up the stairs.

"Bella!" Charlie's voice came after me. I ignored it.

I couldn't see the point of anything at the moment. I'd lost everything. One week and I'd lost everything I'd ever wanted.

Love, life, meaning. Over.

Everything was gone. It was never coming back.

But then I realised that Charlie knew what I was doing. Could I carry on?

My heart took off beating as I realised that I might not be able to continue with my little 'hobby' anymore. Which was when I realised that I was in too deep.

I couldn't stop. It's like a drug. Once you take it too often, you get addicted. You do it once and then you're addicted.

I was addicted. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stay away from it.

They wouldn't be able to stop me. Charlie certainly wouldn't be able to stop me.

I stopped on the landing, between the bedrooms and the bathroom. Deciding which room to go into.

I walked towards my bedroom, and then stopped. I turned around and walked back towards the bathroom.

I shut the door behind me and looked in the bathroom mirror again.

The tears must have been falling down my cheeks as I yelled at Charlie, and then more as I walked up the stairs. My face was more tear stained than it had been earlier, and my eyes were red from all the crying I'd already done today.

I looked around until I found the one thing that I needed. Lying on the floor. Blood stained from the last time I'd used it.

I picked it up and then held it above my wrist again.

I looked back in the mirror, at my broken self. At the girl before me who I didn't really recognise. The girl who was so broken, she had found new ways of getting rid of her pain. The girl who would never be the same again.

This girl was not the girl who I knew. The girl who had once been happy. The girl who had once had everything she'd ever want.

This was when I realised that I'd never have any of that. I'd never get any of it again. I'd never be able to love anybody else the way I loved _him_. I'd never be able to care about anyone the way I cared about _him_.

And most of all I'd never be able to move on. I'd always be this broken shell of a person. I'd always be this broken girl.

I'd always have a shattered heart. I'd always have this hole in my chest.

I sobbed out loud, just as I brought the razor back down against my skin.

This was my relief. It always would be. It would be all I'd ever need.

**A/N: So, how was that? I hope you all liked it. I wasn't sure, but I think it grew on me. :) **

**Awww! Pheebo feels so loved after you all reviewed and some of you even said Hi to him! He is very happy now! :) **

**Right. Warning. There will be a time skip very soon. In the next couple of chapters or so. Probably. And It's bound to be at least a two or three months skip. You have been warned. :) But I'll make sure that I tell you all when it's actually coming. **

**So. Review, please! If we could make it up to 13 reviews for this chapter, or even just 12 again that would be the best thing ever! Make Pheebo's second time at being the review button. Make him even happier than he is right now. And make me happy at the same time! :D **

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	7. Chapter Six

**A/N & Disclaimer: Since I haven't Discliamed in a while. Twilight is not mine. I am only borrowing the characters. :) Although Edward is mine in my dreams. ;) **

**76 Reviews?! OhMyFreakingEdwardCullen! :D And I Got 20 Reviews For One Chapter?! This Story Is Doing Better Than A New Beginning And The Sequel Put Together Already! :D You Guys Are All Amazing! :D I Couldn't Have Asked For A Better Response. :) **

**Happy Reading! **

_Previously: I sobbed out loud, just as I brought the razor back down against my skin._

_This was my relief. It always would be. It would be all I'd ever need._

Chapter Six:

_Bella's Point of View: _

I woke up the next morning to a pounding in my head. Crying all the time doesn't do my head any justice.

I sat up and then realised that I hadn't had any nightmares last night.

It was a new feeling. I'd gotten too used to the nightmares over the past almost two weeks. It was almost strange to not have them anymore.

It was good. But I knew it wouldn't last. Nothing lasts, when you want it to. So why would the nightmares stay away? It was inevitable that they would eventually return.

I got out of my bed and dragged my feet towards the bathroom.

I didn't bother properly examining myself in the mirror today. I wasn't planning on going to school anyway, so why did it matter?

I opened the bathroom cabinet, but it wasn't looking for my object. Well, not yet anyway. I rooted through the various items in there, not actually registering what half of them were, until I came across the Tylenol. **(That's right, right?) **I opened the tub, and shook a couple of the tablets out into my hand. I popped them in my mouth and swallowed them.

"Ugh." I shook my head to try and get rid of the nasty feeling that tablets leave in your mouth. It didn't really work though.

I walked out of the bathroom and downstairs, headed towards the kitchen to get a glass of water.

I reached the bottom of the stairs, and headed towards the kitchen door, but the voices I heard suddenly stopped me. I hadn't realised Charlie was still here. I'd have to go to school for sure now.

"She has to come home, Charlie. You've said for yourself that she's not right."

My Mom? Why was she here?

"Is it really the right thing? Maybe if we just leave it, she'll sort herself out."

"No. I'm taking her to Florida."

Florida? What? No, no, no, no.

I tried to make my feet move. To run back up the stairs. To run to my bedroom and close the door.

I couldn't move. It was like I was stuck in place.

The door opened and my mom came out of the door.

"Bella?" The tone of her voice told me she was shocked. Obviously either by the fact I was standing there, or by the way I looked.

I was going for the second one.

"Hi, Mom." I whispered. My voice was dry from not talking. I hadn't spoken since yelling at Charlie the night before.

"Oh, baby." She walked forward and threw her arms around my neck. I hugged her back, but not with as much enthusiasm. I'd never been like before any of this anyway. "Everything's going to be okay now." She almost cooed at me.

"What do you mean?" Playing dumb probably wouldn't work. It was worth a shot though.

"I'm taking you home, Bella." Renee pulled back and looked at me. I mean really looked at me. She spoke with defiance.

"I am home." I whispered. I couldn't put any emotion behind my voice.

"Home with me, Bella. To Florida."

Charlie came out of the kitchen then. He didn't say anything. Although he looked sad. Like this wasn't what he wanted to do.

"No." I shook my head. Trying to wake up. This was a dream. It had to be. I was about to wake up and realise that my mom wasn't trying to move me from the one place I needed to be.

"No?" Renee looked shocked. Why? I'm not really sure.

"No." I made my voice louder. I was whispering anymore.

"Bells..." Charlie spoke up. "You need to go. It's better for you if you get away from here. Leave all of this behind."

"You don't want me?" The déjà vu made my head spin. I remember saying that not too long ago. I was hoping that this wouldn't have the same outcome.

"Don't think that Bells. I only want what's best for you." Charlie was still standing behind Renee.

Mom looked confused. That was probably the best way to put it.

My eyes glazed over with tears again. I blinked trying to get them to go away. Trying to not let them spill over. I couldn't let that happened.

"No." I blinked again, making a traitor tear spill from my eye. "I want to stay here." My voice got louder again, and sounded more lifeless than it had when I was whispering.

"Bella..." Renee started to speak again. My mask was wearing off. I was very, very close to breaking down again. Very, very close. "You'll feel better once you get away." Her voice shook, as if she was worried. As if she was worried that I wouldn't get better.

I stepped back from them both. "No. You can't make me leave. Don't..."

Renee stepped forward, a small smile on her face. An encouraging smile. "Please, Bella."

"Why? Why are you doing this?" I tried to put more emotion behind my voice. I was angry inside, but I wasn't showing it. I needed to show it.

I couldn't leave. I wouldn't leave.

"To make you better, baby."

"It won't change anything." The realisation bell rang in my head. It was true. Moving or not, it wouldn't change the way I was. Nothing would change the way I was.

"Bella." Charlie spoke with conviction this time, he sounded almost...angry. "You can't stay here."

"Stop it! Stop trying to get rid of me!" My voice rose. Good, this was what I wanted. "You can't make me leave. I won't go. I-I c-can't go." My voice shook more. Telling me just how close I was to breaking down.

I turned round and flew back up the stairs. Away from the people who were trying to make me leave the one place I needed to be.

I couldn't leave. If I left, I'd lose everything. I'd forget. I couldn't forget. If I forgot then what he'd said would be true. I couldn't...

I reached my bedroom and slammed the door behind me as I walked in. I didn't even get anywhere near my bed before I collapsed on the floor.

Crying, crying like I'd never ever cried before. I sobbed loudly, while the tears streamed down my face.

I continued to sob while I looked at my wrist. At the slashes on my skin. The skin around the area was blood stained from where I'd not washed it off last night.

I turned my wrist back around, not being able to bear looking at the marks. At the not permanent etches on my skin. On what _he'd _forced me to do. On what the emotional pain had pushed me too.

The emotional pain before was nothing like the emotional pain now. Nothing at all.

I sobbed louder, and the tears started falling onto the floor beneath me. My body began wracking with the sobs that were coming quicker than ever before. The hole in my chest burning from the pain.

"Bella?"

I ignored the voice, and continued crying. I couldn't stop the tears. The sobs wouldn't weaken.

"D-don't m-make me l-leave." I whispered, while my voice shook at the same time.

"You can't stay Bella." Charlie acknowledged.

"P-please." Another loud sob broke through. "I d-don't w-want t-to l-leave. D-don't you t-try and g-get rid of m-me t-too." The realisation hit me again.

Was Charlie trying to get rid of me as well? Did he not want me either?

"I'll always want you to stay, honey." I think Charlie moved from the doorway although I wasn't really paying that much attention.

"T-then w-why is m-mom here?" The sobs were still shaking me.

"She only wants the same as me, Bells. For you to get better again."

"I-I w-want t-to s-stay." I tried to speak with more conviction through my tears. "P-please D-dad." I blinked and more tears fell from my eyes.

Charlie stood in front of me and took my hand. I stood up willingly not really noticing the gesture.

He walked me towards my bed and I fell onto it. The tears still spilling down my face.

"You can always stay, Bells." Charlie walked away and closed my bedroom door behind him.

I let the sobs wrack through my body more and the hole in my chest screaming from the pain of being opened too far.

This was not supposed to happen. I was not supposed to feel this much pain. I would take slashing my skin ten-thousand times than having to feel the burn in my chest.

Emotional pain is far worse than physical pain. Far, far worse.

Which is why I'd make a vow to myself. I wouldn't let myself feel this emotional pain anymore, or at least not as much. I'd already established that it would always be here.

I would make myself better, not only for myself but for everyone. I was going to heal. I would just be doing it one step at a time. One very small step at a time...

**A/N: How was that then? I think the emotion got pretty intense in this chapter. :| I almost made myself cry writing this. **

**I can't believe I got 20 reviews for one chapter! :D Do you think we could do it again? Or get above 20? That would be the best thing ever!! :D That would mean that we are only 4 off 100! If we could make it too 100 for the next chapter that would be even better! **

**There'll be a different POV next chapter. :) I have already decided on that. And the time skip isn't that far away. :) **

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	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N: Different POV, As Promised. This chapter isn't that great. I don't write self-loathing Edward very well. I'm not that pleased with this one. **

**Eeeeeeep! 95 Reviews?! You Guys Are Freaking Amazing! I Only Got 15 For The Last Chapter, But Hey-Ho. **

**Anyways. Happy Reading! **

Chapter Seven: 

_Edward's Point of View: _

Pain. Disgust. Selfishness. Anger. Sadness. Pain. Guilt.

It was all the same negative feelings going through me. All the time.

Alice was right. I knew that I couldn't go on like this. I had to become, normal? Is normal even a good word?

I'd never been normal to begin with. I wasn't human. I was a monster.

I didn't even deserve to be alive. Not after what I'd done. What I'd managed to make _her _do. What I'd pushed her towards.

I don't know how I'd ever thought that she'd be okay. She'd never be okay.

She'd never forget. Not the whole time I was here.

_Edward. _The thought bought me out of my own. It would only belong to one person.

_Please? _I heard her stop outside the room. _Edward, please. _

"Go away, Alice." I whispered.

_Please. _She sounded sad.

I scoffed. "Alice. Go. Away."

She wasn't sad. She hadn't lost the reason for her existence. She hadn't lost the one thing that she needed to get through a single day.

She hadn't given all that up. Not like I had.

Alice's thoughts redirected towards a vision she'd had earlier. Bella – thinking her name made a sudden jolt of pain rip through me. – Sitting in her bedroom, sobs rocking through her small fragile body.

"Alice stop." The pain in my voice was evident.

_Not until you listen to me, Edward. _

"You're awfully annoying for someone so small." I ran a hand through my hair and then sighed. "Fine."

Alice opened the door and then walked in. She sat down next to me and sighed.

It was unlike Alice to be this quiet, or to even be that slow. Very, very unlike her.

_Edward. _I wondered why she wasn't speaking out loud. _You have to do something. You – _

I cut her thoughts off by speaking aloud. "No, Alice. You know that I can't." My spoken words weren't mirroring my own thoughts. Or what I wanted to really do. But I couldn't admit to myself what that was.

If I did that, then I was going back on everything I'd said to her almost two weeks ago. I couldn't do that. Not only could I not do that to myself. I couldn't do that to _her_.

"Why?!" Alice's spoken words almost startled me. She knew why, yet she kept doing this. She kept wondering, and she kept showing me everything that Bella was going through. Knowing full well what it was doing to me.

"You know why Alice."Alice sighed, exasperated.

_No, Edward. I don't know why. I don't know why you can't just go back to her. I don't know why you keep denying everything, and most of all I just don't understand. _

"I just...can't." I ran my hand through my hair.

Alice's thoughts redirected again, back to another vision. The first vision of Bella hurting herself.

"Stop." I groaned. "Please, stop." It was too much. Seeing her like that. Thinking about her, seeing her that way. It was too much.

"Why?" Alice's voice was sad. "It's affected us too, Edward. Not just you. We've all lost somebody that we love."

She had no idea. Nobody had any idea. Nobody had lost the same as me. Nobody had lost the one thing that they needed to get through a single day with. They hadn't lost the person what was the reason they even existed. They all still had theirs.

"No, Alice. You haven't."

Alice lifted an eyebrow at my remark. She was blocking her thoughts from me now, and had taken to singing 'If you're happy and you know it' in French.

I sighed and went to continue. Suddenly feeling lucky that nobody else was here to suddenly hear me about to pour my heart out.

"You haven't lost the person you love the most. You haven't lost the reason why you even exist. You haven't lost the one thing you need to make it through a single day. You haven't lost any of what I just threw away. You can't possibly understand." My throat suddenly felt thick, like I was about to cry or had been crying. Even though that was not possible, it was obviously what was happening.

_Edward. _I looked up at Alice, who had a friendly smile across her face. _That was all you needed to do. _She placed her hand over mine. I knew why she was my favourite sister.

"What do you mean?" She still had me confused.

_You'll understand soon. _Alice smiled once more, before standing up and going to walk out of the door.

She stopped just by the door, her thoughts suddenly unblocked.

A vision.

_Bella sitting in her bedroom again, her body rocking with sobs. She sits up and grabs the small razor before bringing it down against her skin. _

Alice spun back round, her face contorted in pain, after having to watch what was about to happen.

_Edward. _

I couldn't speak. I couldn't even breathe.

_Edward. _

"Why?" The only words I could manage to get out of my mouth.

"I don't know. I thought that..." Alice couldn't finish her sentence.

"You need to stop looking for her. That's why you keep seeing her." My words surprised me.

"What?!" Alice squeaked, her voice breaking through two octaves. "I'm not 'searching'" She put heavy sarcasm on the words 'searching'. "I see her because I'm attuned. I don't go looking!" Alice was yelling now. Her eyes black from rage.

The sudden anger surprised me. Alice wasn't a person that got angry. Not unless something truly annoyed her.

Oh...

"You are the reason why, Edward. You are why she is doing is. You can't even see how much pain she is really in. You can't keep on doing this. Feeling sorry for yourself! You chose to do this, and you are the one that has to live with your decision, and we are the ones that have to see you every single day. Don't forget that Edward. You hurt all of us. Not just her and not just yourself." Alice walked out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

Alice was right. I was the one that had made this decision. I was the one that pushed Bella towards hurting herself. I was always the one. I was always the cause of the problems. This was why I'd had to leave Bella. I wasn't safe. I wasn't the right person for her.

I was exactly what I'd always thought I was. A monster.

I stood up from the couch, and walked towards the open window, before lithely jumping down and landing on the ground beneath me.

I sighed, and took off running towards the forest, thinking about everything that mattered to me most in the world.

Bella, the person that I lived for. The person that I'd left behind.

My family. The people that lived with the decisions that I made. The people that loved me, even when I didn't deserve that love.

I was the monster that I'd always thought I was. I would never change, and I would never be good enough for Bella. I would never be able to give her everything that she needed, and most of all I would never be able to love her enough.

**A/N: I have to say that after reading it through, it's okay. I hope you all like it too! :) **

**The time skip is coming next chapter. Probably a 3 or 4 month skip. I know it's quite a lot, but Jake fans will like me, 'cos he's going to make an apperance soon. :) **

**Anyways. Do you think that we could get up to 100 reviews?! I know that we can do it! It's only 5 reviews! :D If we could get to 105 or 110 for this chapter, that would be fab! :D **

**"Cliiiiiiiiick Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Pheebo is so happy with the reviews, that he's been getting, and with people saying Hi to him! He likes that! So keep reviewing and make him happier! :D "Pllllllllleaseeeeeeeee?" How can you resist that? **


	9. Chapter Eight

**108 Reviews?! You Guys! That's so freaking amazing! :D **

**Discliamer: Since there is a line or two from New Moon in this chapter. I don't own Twilight. I do however own Edward. In my sleep. ;) **

**Happy Reading! :D**

Chapter Eight:

_Bella's Point of View: _

_**4 Months Later – Middle January. **_

It's been four months since it happened. Four months I've been on my own now. Four months I've been this emotional wreck.

Four slow months.

Things have got better. I say that and I'm just being sarcastic. I think.

I don't break down as much anymore. Wrapping my arm around my torso helps to keep the pain away, when I'm near other people at least. All of that raw emotion can break free when I'm alone. At night, before I go to sleep is when it normally happens.

I still have nightmares. No surprise there really. They still make me wake up in the middle of the night, crying, shaking, sometimes I even scream.

I know that it's killing Charlie inside having to see me this way, and believe me I've tried to change. I've tried to make myself better.

And most of all, I've tried not to hurt myself. But it's something that's easier said than done.

Like I've said before, it's something that I can't stop. I'm addicted. Even the thought of wanting to stop makes me feel ill.

It's like _him _in a way. The thought of ever being away from him made me want to cry.

It's like the saying. 'You never know what you've 'till it's gone'. It really is true.

I never fully appreciated anything until I didn't have it anymore and now because I don't have it anymore. I'm doing the only thing that can keep me close to him. The only thing that can help me to not forget.

Nothing has been that bad since the day I walked out of school, or the day when my parents tried to move me away.

I haven't cried as much since that day. I keep most of the emotion under control. Well, I try.

School is torture. I went back to school the day after my parents tried to move me away. I had to go back, even if I don't want to be there, seeing _him _every day. Seeing his painstakingly beautiful face, every single day.

I had to stop there. My chest was beginning to throb from thinking too much.

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget. It was a hard concept.

I couldn't forget him, yet I wasn't allowed to remember.

If I remembered then I'd be causing myself pain. Pain that I didn't want and pain that I didn't need.

If I forgot then I'd have nothing, and everything that ever happened would be like a dream.

A wonderful, magnificent dream.

I do my homework. I cook. I do basically all of the housework, and yet it's as if Charlie still isn't happy enough. He threatened to move me back to Florida again the other day.

I'm lifeless. He doesn't need to tell me. I know that I am. I know that I've lost every ounce of my being from being this way for this long.

It's not a long time though. But it feels like years. Years that I've been this way. But I know for a fact that it will be years. I will be this way for years to come.

I won't be able to get over it. I already know that. No matter how much I try and make myself better. There will always be a part of me that is continually broken.

I don't think anybody really understands. Nobody will ever really understand.

The emotion was building up inside me, again. I could feel my chest still throbbing from thinking about _him _too much.

The tears started spilling down my face as I wrapped my arm around my torso, trying to hold it all in. Trying to stop myself from having to come to terms of how it all really is, and the reality of how broken and shattered I actually am. The reality of lost my heart is, how lost all of myself is. How I'm never going to come back.

I sobbed out loud, and thrust myself from my bed and ran towards the bathroom.

Charlie wasn't home; I didn't have to worry about being caught out. I didn't ever generally have to worry about being caught out. He was never here to catch me out anyway.

I reached the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I looked at myself in the mirror and the tears were still streaming down my face. I was continually sobbing out loud, and then throb in my chest had got more painful. I tried wrapping my arm around my torso again, but it didn't numb the pain like it normally did.

After thinking I was almost starting to get better, it was apparent that I wasn't. If anything I was gradually getting worse.

I started rooting through the cabinet until I found the thing I needed. I held between my thumb and forefinger to look at it more closely. It was kind of rusted from being washed a lot, but it hadn't gotten blunt.

I lifted my left arm up, without paying close attention to the slashes that were already on my arm, I brought the blade down against my skin. Making large, but not deep slashes into my forearm.

Over the last few months the slashes has reached to about half-way up my arm. They weren't up to my elbow yet, but I wasn't far away.

Some of the earlier cuts had healed and formed scars on my arm. I didn't want to re-open them. It was as if each of these wounds was counting for the ones that were inside of me as well.

I had to wear sweaters all the time now. I couldn't risk anybody seeing the wounds on my arm. Not without it bringing unnecessary questions. Questions I didn't want to answer, and questions they probably didn't even want the answer too.

I brought the blade down against my skin once more, and watched as the blood began to seep from the wounds.

The blood never made me feel sick anymore. I'd gotten used to it, I'd gotten used to the pain of the cutting as well.

It numbed the emotional pain. The physical pain was no-where near as bad as the emotional bad that I felt and that I kept feeling.

I could get run over by a bus and still never be in as much pain physically as I was emotionally.

I sobbed, as I washed the blade, and then placed it back in the cabinet.

I found a small bandage and wrapped it around the wounds. If I wasn't going to get caught, it had to seem as if I wasn't actually doing anything.

I pulled the sleeve of my sweater down and then pulled my fingers through my hair trying to get rid of some of the knots that had built up over the day.

The rain knots my hair too much for me to even worry half the time.

I wiped my eyes free from tears that had built up, but not spilled over and then made my way out of the bathroom and down the stairs.

I'm not really sure what I was going to do. I was fed up of my bedroom tonight. I needed to be somewhere else for a change.

I walked towards the kitchen and got myself a glass of water and then made my way towards the living room.

I sat gingerly down onto the couch. Almost as if I was scared to sit here.

I hadn't sat in here for so long it felt like an alien place. Somewhere that I really shouldn't be, but that I couldn't help being in.

A few stray tears suddenly escaped from my eyes and I quickly wiped them away.

I'd successfully numbed the pain. My chest wasn't throbbing anymore and I'd stopped crying.

I'd gotten through today's emotional pain already. It would be tomorrow when it would return. It always came back, mostly at the same time every day.

Although I managed to keep most of it in during the day. I could never get rid of it. The emotion that I built up had to get out some time.

A sudden knock at the door startled me.

I didn't care who it was. I considered not even answering it, but figured that if it was important I might get in trouble for not answering it.

I walked slowly towards the front door. I exhaled when I got there, and hoped I looked presentable enough for the person on the other side.

I pulled the door open, and saw someone I least expected to see, and somebody I hadn't even seen or spoken too in almost 10 months.

"Jacob?"

**A/N: Dun Dun Dunnnnnnn. :) My least favourite character is now going to make an unwelcome apperance. I have to bring him into the story though. Otherwise I wouldn't. Lol.**

**I can't believe we've got 108 reviews already! You guys are just the best! :D **

**I hope you like this chapter. :) I do. It's taken me forever to write, but it's here. For you all. :) **

**There was a bit of confusion over the last chapter. Edward didn't leave. He just went hunting or something. I don't know. But he didn't run away. He came back, from hunting or whatever, and is still in Forks and still going to school. 'Kay?**

**Review please! I always check my emails in the morning before I go to school and they always make me happy! :) They make Pheebo happy too! **

**Everybody keeps saying Hi to him in their reviews. :) But he isn't getting clicked on much. What happened too all the reviews?! I only got 12 for the last chapter. :( Can we boost that up a little bit please? **

**"Preety Pleaseeeeeeee?" Can you resist? Really? "Cliiiiiiiiiick Meeeeeeeeee!" *Pheebo smiles sweetly at everyone* Can you really resist? Pleaseeeee review! :D**


	10. Chapter Nine

**A/N: OhMyFreakingEdwardCullen! 130 Reviews?! Are you serious?! That is better than I could have ever thought! You guys are the best! **

**I know it took me a while. I'm sorry! **

**Happy reading! **

_Previously: _

_I walked slowly towards the front door. I exhaled when I got there, and hoped I looked presentable enough for the person on the other side._

_I pulled the door open, and saw someone I least expected to see, and somebody I hadn't even seen or spoken too in almost 10 months._

"_Jacob?"_

Chapter Nine: 

_Bella's Point of View: _

I blinked spastically. Jacob wasn't here. He wasn't stood at my front door. Not seeing me like this. Not like I was.

No. It wasn't happening.

"Bella?" Jacob looked at me, like it wasn't me he was actually looking at.

Did I look _that _bad?

"Hey, Jake." I smiled as best I could but it probably didn't work.

My mask had come back up, quicker than it ever had after a breakdown. I'd never been able to pull myself together this quickly after having one of my emotional breakdowns.

"Does that mean I can come in?"

"Oh." I moved out of the way. "Yeah, sure."

Jacob came in and I shut the front door. I turned back to him and Jacob had his arms folded, looking very seriously at me.

"So...How are you?"

Jake smiled briefly before going back to being serious. "I'm okay." He sighed. "I can't say the same for you, Bella. You're a mess."

What a nice way to start a conversation with somebody you haven't seen in 10 months.

"Thanks, Jacob. That was really nice." I walked away and more towards the living room.

Jacob caught up with me. "Aw, c'mon Bells." He smiled the familiar smile that I realised I'd missed.

Jacob and I had always gotten on well. There wasn't any getting away from that. But there was always a certain person that had gotten in the way.

I stopped right there before I could do anything that might threaten my mask falling down.

Although I got on well with Jacob, he could never see me break down. Ever. I could not bring another person into all my misery. It wasn't fair.

I sighed, which make Jacob smile again. "You know you can't stay mad at me."

"You are such a jerk!" **(Seriously, I love that word!) **My voice ending up sounding a lot lighter and almost happy. It caught me unawares.

Jacob laughed. "Thanks so much." He stepped forward and hugged me tightly. Something I wasn't expecting to happen. He'd grown a lot since I'd last seen him. I felt like an incredibly small child.

He pulled back and smiled at me again.

"You grew again. You know, you'll have to stop growing soon. It's not fair."

Jacob looked smug that the thought of being overly tall.

"How tall are you now?"

"6, 5''" Jacob grinned. **(I don't care if that's wrong. Deal with it.) **"It's not my fault you're so short Bells."

"Shut up!" I smiled weakly.

Jacob's face turned serious again, which scared me just a little bit.

I frowned, and then walked past him again making my way towards the living room.

Jacob followed closely behind me, and sat down next to me on the sofa.

I looked at my hands, not really wanting to look at him. I knew what I was coming; I didn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out.

"What happened Bella?"

I continued looking at my hands, whilst contemplating on my answer.

"What do you mean?" Well, that probably wasn't the answer I wanted to go for.

"Don't be stupid, Bells. You know what I mean." Jacob sounded almost mad.

I could feel my mask coming down already. It wasn't good that it was coming down already. I had to be able to keep intact more.

I would not break down in front of Jacob. I couldn't.

"Lots of things happened, Jacob. A lot of things." I sighed.

"I know, Bella. But what happened to you?" He sighed, and continued talking. "You're a mess. Not just on the outside. I don't like it, Bella."

I looked up at him. He was frowning but looked almost sad.

"What? You think I do?" I was suddenly angry, very angry. But this wasn't good. It meant that I was at more of a risk of breaking down. My mask was coming down, faster than I could do anything to stop it. "Do you think that I chose to do this to myself Jacob? That I chose to go through all of this?"

Jacob's eyes widened at my very sudden outburst. He hadn't been expecting it.

He wasn't the only one.

"No. Of course not, Bella. But I know that it's been hard -"

"No, Jacob. You don't know. People think they know, and they just don't. So don't think that you can know." My eyes began to fill up with tears and I blinked to make them go away, but only caused one tear to slip and fall down my cheek.

Jacob slid forward and wrapped me in a hug again. "I'm sorry, Bells." He pulled back and smiled at me. "I missed you, Bella."

I sniffed, although I was still at a lot of risk of falling apart after getting slightly emotional a minute ago. "I missed you too, Jake." I surprised myself but knowing that it was true.

Jacob had always been such a good friend, even if we'd not spent that much time together. I had missed him.

Jacob grinned. "I promise I won't bring anything up again."

I smiled weakly at him. "Thanks."

That was when I made a promise to myself. I would never let anybody see me in pain, ever again. I would always deal with it myself. Nobody else needed to ever know how broken I still was.

Not Charlie. People at school. Or Jacob.

I knew there was no getting away from the fact that I was still very broken, but I would deal with the pain myself and in the only way I knew possible.

Even if it wasn't the best way of doing it. It was the only way I knew how. It would always be the only way I would deal with my pain.

**A/N: I know this chapter isn't great, but I wrote it in an hour and I needed to get one out. **

**I promise they won't be this bad after this. This chapter really is crappy. I'm sorry. :( **

**Review anyway? I can't believe we got 21 reviews for the last chapter?! Really?! AMAZING! :D **

**I know we won't get that again, since this chapter was awful. But can we at least get near?! Please?! Thank you! **

**"Cliiiiiiiick Meeeeeeeeeee!" Pheebo is mega pleased! Make him pleased again! **

**Right. I'm off to watch the X-Factor now. Review everyone! **


	11. Chapter Ten

**A/N: OhMyFreakingEdwardCullen! 154 Reviews?! Seriously! You Guys Are So Awesome! AND We Got 20 Reviews On The Last Chapter, Even Though It Was Awful! Lol. Thanks So Much Everyone! The Response You Have Been Giving Is Phenomal! :D **

**Anyway, Happy Reading! :D**

_Previously:_

_I knew there was no getting away from the fact that I was still very broken, but I would deal with the pain myself and in the only way I knew possible._

_Even if it wasn't the best way of doing it. It was the only way I knew how. It would always be the only way I would deal with my pain. _

Chapter Ten: 

_Bella's Point of View: _

Jacob stayed here almost all afternoon. It felt weird having company, people haven't wanted to be around me in so long, that it felt weird having somebody here with me. Somebody who would listen to the things I had to say and not just ignore me like I was invisible.

I realised at some point throughout the afternoon how much I'd really missed Jacob. We'd never spent that much time together before, but he was still one of my friends.

One of the few that I have left now.

Obviously, he had to leave eventually. But being alone meant that I could deal with the pain that had almost escaped earlier. What had happened earlier was bad, for many reasons. The most being that I was in danger of letting my mask down. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let that happen anymore. I wouldn't let anybody see that I was hurt.

I think the most important thing that I tried to work on now, was that I wouldn't let the pain take over. Like I had been letting it.

I'd feel the pain, well, know that it was coming and brace myself for it. I wouldn't try and stop it, and I would just let it take over. I would let my lungs burn from the pain; I would let my emotions spiral out of control, I would let the tears stream down my face, and then I would go and do the only thing I knew to make myself better.

I had to find a way, to stop that pain. To stop it before it could even take over. To stop it before it made me get to the point where I had to hurt myself.

I know that I'd found the method of wrapping my arm around my torso to try and stop the pain. But over the past four months, I'd come to notice that, that didn't actually do anything. Not like it used to.

I heard the front door open, and only then did I register that I was still sat on the couch. Huh.

"Bells?"

I still don't get why he does that. Who else would it be?

I stood up, and walked towards the Kitchen.

"Hi, Dad."

Charlie looked confused. He wasn't the only one. "Where were you?"

"In the living room..." Was I not supposed to be in there?

"Really?"

Hearing the tone of Charlie's voice almost made me laugh out loud.

"Um, yeah. Jacob came over and we -"

Charlie interrupted me. "Jacob was here?"

"Um, yeah..."

I think this was probably the longest conversation I'd had with my Dad in a long time. During the four months, when I was at my worst, he'd tried to make conversation, he always did. But it never got anywhere. I'd never talk, I never spoke to anybody. I never noticed how much it actually hurt him.

"Why?"

"I don't really know. I guess he just came to see me." I shrugged. The motion felt unfamiliar. I hadn't been this, 'carefree' in a long time. It felt like a new emotion. Like I'd never felt like it before.

I guess it was new. It was new because I hadn't felt like this in so long. It was new because the only emotions I'd been feeling had been painful, or guilt. They hadn't been happiness, or any other positive emotion.

Charlie smiled, and I swear it made him look about 20 years younger. It was a smile I hadn't seen for a very long time.

Everything that was happening today was stuff that hadn't happened in a long time. I'm not sure if this was good or bad.

"That's good, Bells." Charlie smiled once more and then walked off towards the living room.

I sighed, and then made my way into the kitchen to go and start dinner.

Everything was about to change. At least, I hope it was.

xoxoxo

I woke up with a sudden start the next morning. Maybe things were about to change but the nightmares still hadn't gone away.

I sat up in bed, and looked around my bedroom. Something felt different, but I couldn't register what or why.

I shook the thought away and clambered out of bed. It felt cold in my bedroom. I turned round and noticed that the window was partly open. I don't know why, I was sure that I'd shut it before I went to sleep last night. **(Any ideas anybody...? Cookies for anyone that gets it!) **I didn't linger on the idea. I knew that if I did, I'd come to the wrong conclusions, and those conclusions wouldn't do anything to make me feel better.

I grabbed my clothes for the day, and made my way towards the bathroom. I looked in the mirror when I got there. Something that had become a habit. Even if I didn't feel like, looking presentable or even going to school for that matter. I had to make sure. I wouldn't be portraying the mask if I looked like the wreck I really was inside.

For some reason, I had a feeling that I looked better. My skin looked as if there was more colour, well, as much as I'd had before. There weren't tears that had dried on my face overnight, and my eyes weren't as, lost as they had been before.

It was strange. I knew that I was going to try and start changing things, about both the way I felt and my actions, but I didn't realise that things would start working right away.

I decided to not think anymore about it. I took off my pyjamas and climbed into the shower. The water made me feel better as it cascaded over my body. I hadn't noticed how cold I'd actually felt until I'd got under the water. **(Seriously, cookies for anybody that gets it!) **I washed my hair, but as I was rinsing it, my eyesight caught my wrist. There were previous cuts on there that had scarred over. Those were mostly to the end of my wrist, but the ones from the previous night, looked angry. I turned my wrist over, not wanting to look at the damage and then shut the water off. It had run cold anyway.

I climbed out; got dressed into the clothes I'd chosen for the day. They were always the same. I couldn't wear anything other than long-sleeved sweaters. I'd be in damage over somebody seeing the scars on my arm otherwise. I quickly dried my hair and put it up into a ponytail. I looked at myself in the mirror once more, sighed and then made my way downstairs, ready to go and start another tortuous day of school.

I sighed again. This was going to a _very _long day.

**A/N: *Sigh* I Thought This Chapter Was Long. Sorry That They Haven't Been That Long. I Struggle With Length. :( I Hope This Was Okay Though. It's Better Than Last Chapter, But I'm Still Not Sure. Im Suffering From A Little Bit Of Writers Block. :( **

**I Can't Believe There Are So Many Reviews! Seriously You Are All So Awesome! This Story Would Be Nothing Without Every Single Reader! :D **

**Oooh! I Have A Favour! Can You All Go Read & Review My New One-Shot 'Fallin' For You', It's Actually A Happy One-Shot! I Know! Lol. I'd Love It If You Could Go And Check It Out For Me. :) Thank Youuu! :D **

**OMG! Im Ordering The New Moon Movie Companion Thingy! *Squeal* :D. Seriously 44 Days! :D I'm Sooo Excited! :D I Went Onto My Local Cinema's Website Last Night, And Got Proper Excited Thinking I Could Pre-Order Tickets. But Turns Out I Can't Yet. Sad Times. :( We Have The Day Off School The 20th November, So Me And My Friends Are Going To Go. :D **

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**Please?! And Don't Forget To Read 'Fallin' For You'! :D Thanks Everyone! **


	12. Chapter Eleven

**A/N: My large babbiling will be at the bottom. :) But I do have a couple of things to say. **

**Sorry! I went to vist some Uni's this weekend, and have been busy and also very, very tired. I hope this chapter suffices! It is the longest yet! :) **

**Rest In Peace; Stephen Gately. My thoughts are with his family and the fellow band members. You were part of one of the biggest UK Boybands. It's such a loss. **

**Anyway. Happy reading! :D **

_Previously: _

_I climbed out; got dressed into the clothes I'd chosen for the day. They were always the same. I couldn't wear anything other than long-sleeved sweaters. I'd be in danger of somebody seeing the scars on my arm otherwise. I quickly dried my hair and put it up into a ponytail. I looked at myself in the mirror once more, sighed and then made my way downstairs, ready to go and start another tortuous day of school._

_I sighed again. This was going to a __very __long day._

Chapter Eleven: 

**There's a small amount of language in this chapter. Just a quick warning for you all. :) **

_Bella's Point of View: _

I was exactly right about it being a long day. It wasn't even anywhere near the end of school and I was dreading every single second I had to stay here.

Every single second I had to be anywhere near _him. _

It was useless, trying not to think about things. It was useless, trying not to look at him. All of it was useless, just utterly useless. I couldn't do all of things, knowing that he was here. I couldn't do all of things knowing that I had to be near him.

It just made the pain inside me more prominent. The pain I'd promised that I'd hide. It was a lot easier said than done.

I sighed heavily and made my way towards the front of school. I'd had enough. I just couldn't take anymore of this.

I'd do what my Mom had wanted all along and move to Florida with her. At least I wouldn't have to be face to face with all my problems there. All of the problems I had _were _here. In Forks.

They wouldn't be in Florida. It will be different there. A new start.

Just like Forks was supposed to have been.

Could I really leave? Could I really just give up on everything? Just leave it all behind, and not fight for anything?

But...was there anything to really fight for?

_He _didn't love me. I don't even know if he'd ever really loved me. Everything had probably just been one big lie. I'd been something that he'd used to pass the time.

My chest began to protest from what I was thinking about. The pain began to rush through me, almost taking me by surprise. I wrapped my arm carefully around my torso and continued walking. Not even sure where I was even headed.

He'd never loved me like I'd loved him; he never needed me like I needed him. I needed him like the air I breathed. I still needed him, and I couldn't have him. We couldn't be together, not when he obviously didn't want me.

The pain rushed through me harder, forcing me to wrap my arm tighter around me. The tears began to well up behind my eyes, blurring my vision. A few traitorous tears fell from eyes and down my face.

I knew where I was going now.

Home.

Home was where I had the thing that would help me to not feel this pain. To be able to handle it on my own, where nobody had to know what was really happening.

I got to my truck and was about to climb in when I heard the voice.

"Bella?"

I tried to ignore it, because they were the _last _person I wanted to talk too. In fact they were one of last people I even wanted to see.

I opened the door of my truck farther and went to climb in.

"Bella, please!" The voice pleaded.

I turned round, not even noticing that my arm was still wrapped around me, and that the tears were freely falling down my face, and confronted them.

"What?" My voice shook.

"Please, Bella. I just want to talk." She stepped closer. I couldn't even look at her. Looking at her just reminded me of _him _too much. Memories I didn't want to remember, but memories I didn't want to forget.

I wrapped my arm even tighter around myself; I was literally holding myself together now. If I let go now, I'd fall apart.

She looked pained as she stepped even closer. Her golden eyes pleading at me.

All she'd do is hurt me. All they could ever do is hurt me.

"No, Alice." My voice shook more from the tears. From the emotion that was threatening to spill over. I needed to get home.

I turned round and climbed into the truck and starting the engine. I'd have to drive home one handed. I couldn't risk falling apart even more on the way home. It wouldn't be safe.

Alice didn't come any more towards the truck before I pulled away. I didn't want to talk to her. No, it wasn't that I didn't want to talk to her. I _couldn't. _If I did then I'd just be brought closer back to everything that had been taken away. Everything that _he'd _already taken away from me.

I drove slowly all the way back to Charlie's. I couldn't risk taking my arm away from my torso, so I couldn't risk driving fast. Well, as fast as my truck would go anyway.

I tried not to dwell on why she wanted to talk to me in the first place. I already knew that she would have seen everything. Seen everything that I'd been doing to myself. All the pain I'd been going through.

I pulled into the driveway, behind a car I didn't recognise. It wasn't the cruiser, and it wasn't a new car, which ruled out certain people, whose names I wouldn't let myself think. It was a small red car. I didn't recognise the type.

But this was bad, very bad. It meant someone was here. Someone would see what I was like.

I needed to be alone. To deal with my pain. I couldn't deal with it if there was somebody here. I'd allowed myself to gradually fall apart at school, and on the way home. I couldn't just go back to normal now. My mask, no matter how good it was, didn't come back up that easily or that quickly.

I climbed out of my truck, with my arm still wrapped around me, and walked towards the front door, fumbling around in my pocket for my key at the same time. Secretly hoping that whoever it was wouldn't have seen me. Who was I kidding? They'd have heard the damn engine.

Stupid fucking truck.

I found my key and stuck it in the lock, the door opened without me even unlocking it. Meaning that somebody was inside the house.

Okay, what kind of burglar parks their car? A stupid one?

I stumbled in, but corrected my balance in enough time to stop myself from falling flat on my face.

I couldn't speak, not only because of my fear, but because it would mean the emotion would come spilling out quicker.

"Bella?"

Another voice I recognised.

Another person I never wanted to see me like this. At my worst. The breaking point. The place I was in at the moment was dangerously close to falling apart. I couldn't do that.

I slowly removed my arm from around my torso, ignoring the rush of pain that once more came to the surface and turned round to face them.

"Jacob?"

I must look bad, since Jacob stepped back slightly.

This is why nobody can know what I do, why nobody can ever see me when I'm at my worst.

Jacob didn't say anything, he studied me. I looked at him the whole time, whilst he was watching me. It scared me more than a little.

Eventually he stepped forward, getting a little bit closer to me. He got within about 5 feet of me when he suddenly stopped dead. Almost as if he'd come close to an enemy.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice was cold. Stone cold.

"Why are you here Jacob?" My voice didn't get above a whisper.

"I'm here to see you Bells." Jacob voice got less cold, but I could still hear that he wasn't happy.

My lungs were now protesting profusely, and the tears although less frequent, were still falling. I needed to handle this, and fast.

I couldn't speak. If I spoke now, I'd be even closer to falling apart.

"Bells?" Jacob stepped forward more, but frowned as he did so, as if he didn't really want to be here.

"No, Jacob. Please, just go." I couldn't stop those words spilling from my mouth, but I needed to be alone. I turned away from Jacob, hoping he'd listen and headed for the stairs. To the place I needed to get to so quickly.

"I'm just not the right person am I, Bella?"

Jacob's words made me stop dead in my tracks. I turned round to face Jacob once more. The expression on his face made me more frightened.

"What?" I was confused.

Jacob laughed a cold, dark laugh. That sounded almost like a snarl. "I'm not as good as your _bloodsuckers_. That's what I mean, Bella."

Too many things began to spin through my head. All the things _he'd _ever told me, about his kind, what he really was, and why he was dangerous. What Jacob had first told me about the legends, and how he believed it was a 'silly superstition'.

Jacob now seemed to either know, or believe the one secret that had caused everything to be taken away from me. Everything I'd ever know didn't exist anymore because of that. All love had been lost because of that secret.

Jacob was supposed to be the one helping me, holding me back together, and here he was, talking about _them. _

I shook my head, as if trying to turn back time. This had never happened. I should have stayed at school, and dealt with the pain there. Not come home.

Jacob stepped closer, until he was standing right in front of me. I had to look up at him, since he'd gotten so tall. It couldn't be possible that he'd grown since yesterday, could it?

"Just go, Jacob. Please." I pleaded. I couldn't deal with all of this right now.

"What, so you can just go back to hurting yourself? Don't think I'm going to allow that Bella, because I won't." His voice was back to being cold.

"Hurting myself?" Would playing dumb, actually work?

Jacob laughed the dark snarl again. "You think that nobody knows don't you? You think that everybody thinks your okay. Well, I know that you're not. Charlie knows that you're not. But hurting yourself just doesn't help. He's not coming back, Bells. Doing this to yourself isn't going to bring him back to you." Jacob grabbed my left arm and pushed my sleeve up to my elbow. Exposing the scars that were there. The scars I'd given myself.

I tried to jerk my arm away, but Jacob had a firm grip. He stared at the healed scars, and then at the newer ones from the previous day. The angry scars, the scars that held all of my pain and everything that I let out.

Jacob looked at me, and the angry expression was back. But he also looked in pain.

"You don't understand, Jacob. Let go." My voice was quiet again. My chest was still protesting from what I'd done earlier, and also what Jacob had said.

"Do you think that by doing this, he'll come back?" He frowned. "By making yourself _bleed _you are practically calling out to him. It won't work."

"What do you even know Jacob?" The anger finally rose above the pain. My voice got louder, but Jacob stayed where he was, still holding onto my arm. "You don't fucking know anything about me, or about why I do this. So don't you ever come here to tell me what I can or can't do, because it is my decision."

"It's your decision to try and kill yourself?" Jacob yelled right back at me.

Kill myself? That was never the intention. Ever.

"No. Not kill myself. No." My voice went right back down to a whisper.

Jacob frowned again, as if he didn't believe my words.

I could feel myself crumbling. I could feel the pain in my chest, making me fall apart. I was breaking apart right in front of Jacob's eyes.

The tears began to fall faster, as I began sobbing. There was no way to control it now. This was what I'd been waiting for. I'd been waiting for the breaking point. The breaking point had finally arrived.

I collapsed onto the floor into a heap, sobbing harder.

I didn't expect Jacob to sit down next to me and pull me against him. I sobbed into his shoulder.

"Bella, please." Jacob's arms constricted around me, holding me against him.

I tried to pull myself away, but I couldn't. It was almost as if I needed to be near somebody. I needed them to help me, to comfort me and Jacob was the closest person. He wasn't who I wanted, he wasn't ever supposed to see me fall apart, let alone help me when I did.

This is what I'd been pushed too. What _he _had pushed me towards. Jacob was right, I did this to myself to try and make him come back. It wouldn't work. _He _didn't love me anymore. The reality suddenly hit me like a train, causing the sobbing to break out again. I'd never get him back.

He'd never be with me again, and he'd never love me. This is what I'd been trying to realise all this time, but I'd never truly believed it. I think deep down, I'd always hoped that he'd come back. Tell me that he loved me, and we'd go right back to being like we were.

Jacob had made me realise that, that wasn't ever going to happen. Not now, and not ever.

"D-don't leave m-me Jake." The words rang clearer than I'd expected. It was true what I'd just said absolutely. I needed Jacob, I needed him to be near me and help me. I needed him to know everything, and I needed to know why he suddenly believed everything he'd only ever thought to be a superstition.

"Never." He vowed, as he tightened his arm around me more. I continued sobbing, slowly causing Jacob's shoulder to become soaked with the salt-water from my tears.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Bells, just let it go. Let it all go." Jacob rocked us back and forth slightly.

I sobbed harder, whilst realising something, I was using Jacob Black, and I was using him in the harshest way possible.

**A/N: Ooooooh. Jacob knows! :) Little bit of drama for you all now. :) **

**Basically, I know this was another very kinda dark and sad chapter. But Bella has reached this stage where she just couldn't hold her emotions in anymore. She had to let it all go, and by doing that she thinks that she will begin to heal. And steer away from this idea that she can have Edward back. Bella now needs Jacob, but she also knows that she's using him. She's using him to get away from all the pain, and like she said 'In the harshest way possible'. Bella doesn't want too. She needs too. :) Okay? **

**The next few chapters will largley be Bella and Jacob based. I know, I don't like it either. But it needs to be done. :) This story is probably only going to be around 20 or so chapters. Depending on when I want to stop. :) Your Favourite characters are soon going to make an apperance again. :) ****Who liked my little bit with Alice? *Raises Hand* I Did! :D I didn't plan on that, it sort of happened. :) There might be another E or A POV soon. :) I'm not sure. **

**Cookies to everybody that got it last chapter! :D Yes, Edward _was _there, with Bella while she slept. :) Which is why the window was open. *Hands out cookies to those who guessed correctly.* **

**My NM Movie Companion Came! YAY! It is AMAZING. It's got some of the BEST Pictures.I actually cannot wait for November 20th! And I have the day off school! :D **

**OME! 178 reviews?! You guys are fricken' amazing! :D And we got 22 on the last chapter! 22!!! :D That is like an all-time record! AMAZING! :D You guys are just epic! :D Do you think that we could keep that up? And get around 20 for this chapter as well? Pleaseeeeeeee? :) **

**Click on Pheebo and make him extra happy. :) "Cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" *Jumps up and down* "Cliiiiiiiiiick Meeeeeeeeeeee!" Go on! Click him and make us both happy! :D **


	13. Chapter Twelve

**A/N: Surprise POV! :D I said this might happen! And it did! :D **

**I wrote this whilst Babysitting. :) Thats what my Tuesday's now consist of. Babysitting and writing for you guys! Lol. :) **

**Happy reading! My main babbiling is at the bottom! **

_Previously: _

"_I'm sorry." I whispered. _

"_Bells, just let it go. Let it all go." Jacob rocked us back and forth slightly. _

_I sobbed harder, whilst realising something, I was using Jacob Black, and I was using him in the harshest way possible. _

Chapter Twelve: 

_**Just to let you know, this is from where Alice tries to talk to Bella in the school car park. Enjoy! :) **_

_Alice's Point of View: _

I had to talk to her. I just had to. I know that I wasn't supposed to. I know that I was supposed to be leaving her alone. But she was my _best friend_, I couldn't not talk to her anymore. I had to. I just had to.

I'd deal with the consequences later.

I'd already seen that she was going home, she'd had enough of school today and was giving up. I hadn't had a vision that told me she was going to go and hurt herself, but I didn't need one to know that would probably be the intention.

I sighed internally as I thought about that. Luckily, Edward wasn't anywhere nearby for him to hear my thoughts. He'd have an absolute fit if he knew what I was going to do. He was obviously why this had all happened.

He'd realise the effect one day, and he'd realise what Bella really meant to him. He'd realise that he couldn't live without her. I just hoped that the day came soon.

It was in between lessons at the moment. I came round the corner and saw Bella walking off towards the front of school. I started walking in the same direction, but keeping enough distant so she wouldn't know I was walking behind her.

Bella was walking slow, very slow. As if she was thinking about different things whilst she was walking. I watched her carefully, her feet shuffled along the floor and her head was angled towards the floor. All of a sudden her head shot up, but she didn't stop moving. I heard her sigh out loud, and carefully move her left arm so it wrapped around her torso.

She just looked so...broken. It was about the only word I could think of that described it. She hadn't been the same for the last 5 months, everyday she'd come to school, but she'd never talk to anybody. Nobody would talk to her. She'd go home as soon as she could, and then I'd get the same vision, every day. Well, most days anyway. I couldn't bring myself to remember it. Every time I had it, Edward would see it as well, and it would just bring him down even further. He wouldn't admit that he needed to go back to her. He still thought that he was doing the right thing. He was an idiot. An absolute idiot.

I looked around and realised that I was stood almost behind Bella. She went to climb into her truck when I realise that this was my last chance.

"Bella?" It came out as a question, which I wasn't intending.

Bella looked as if she was ignoring me, she'd know who I was, which is probably why she was ignoring me. I had to have her talk to me. I didn't know what I was going to say, but I just had to.

She opened the door of the truck further and put one foot into the door, her arm was still wrapped tightly around her torso.

"Bella, please!" I pleaded.

Bella's foot came back down and she spun round, her face was stained with tears that had obviously been falling as she walked here. I just wanted to run up to her and hug her. But I didn't think it would go down that well.

After all, this was crossing the line. We weren't supposed to be interfering. I think talking to her classed as 'Interfering'.

"What?" She voice shook as she said the word, shook with tears and with emotion Too much emotion.

"Please Bella, I just want to talk." I stepped closer to her, hoping that she let me. Bella looked away briefly. She couldn't even look at me. My throat got thick all of a sudden, when I realised that if I could cry, I probably would.

My best friend, couldn't even _look _at me.

She wrapped her arm tighter around herself, holding herself together. It was too much.

I stepped closer towards her, and Bella looked back at me. I hoped that my eyes were passing over what I wanted.

"No, Alice." Her voice shook again, I could hear the emotion that was threatening to come through. The emotion she was trying so hard to keep at bay.

Bella climbed more into her truck, and slammed the door. She started the engine and drove off. I didn't go any closer. I didn't move towards the door. I should have, and I should have tried to go after her. I couldn't make myself move.

I stood there, plastered to the spot that I'd been standing in trying to plead with Bella.

I heard him approach. I knew he was standing there behind me, but I couldn't make myself turn around to face him.

I wasn't going to admit I was scared, but I think that's what it was. Not only was I still standing here because of what had just happened, but I didn't want to face him.

I said I'd deal with the consequences later, but right now, I really didn't want to.

Damn. He'd have heard that. Ugh!

"What. Did. You. Do?" I couldn't pick out the emotion. I think it was somewhere between pained and angry.

I turned round, and surprisingly he didn't look as angry as I'd thought he would be.

"I tried to talk to her, that's what I did."

"Why?" He choked out. He was trying to hold himself together.

_Because she's my Best Friend, Edward. That's why. _

"You know that you shouldn't have."

_Oh, don't start that with me again! _

Edward cocked an eyebrow at my reaction.

_Did you see her? Do you even pay any attention?! _

He flinched. "Of course. I see her every day, but we still can't interfere. You know that, Alice. We can't be a part of her life anymore. We're not right for her."

_Ugh! She needs help! We can't just leave her anymore! You need to realise! Maybe you'll get your brain into gear soon. You can't live without her, just admit – _

"Stop, Alice. Stop." His voice sounded angry.

_No. Because you __**will **__realise. _

I walked past him. Edward didn't make an attempt to turn around.

"Where are you going?"

"Home. I don't know about you. But to be honest. I don't much care." I snapped. I didn't intend to. But it just happened. I was so angry. I was angry that I'd lost my best friend, and I was angry that he just wasn't seeing clearly. He wasn't seeing anything clearly.

I took the opportunity to look into Bella's future, I couldn't care what he'd say. This was what I wanted to do. I had to make sure she'd be okay.

There was nothing there. It was...blank.

What?

"Alice?"

"It's gone." I turned round. Edward was facing me again, and the expression on his face was something, I never wanted to see again.

"What's gone?" He seemed as if he didn't want to say it.

"Her...future." This was bad. This was very, very bad. How could it have gone? Wouldn't I have seen what was going to happen before it disappeared?

"How?"

_I don't know. It's just gone...blank. It doesn't make any sense. I should have seen what was going to happen before it went and it didn't. I just didn't see...anything. _

I couldn't bring myself to say the words out loud.

"What do we do, Edward. There has to be something." I stepped closer to him.

"Nothing."

_WHAT?! _I screamed in my thoughts. _You are the biggest...asshole, ever! _Okay, so I was never one to swear like that, but it was probably the nicest word I could think of using.

_Do you not even care if she's died? Or if somebody's taken her? Somebody that knows a way of getting round my visions?! _

"I'm doing this because I care." He yelled. "I care too much to go back into her life, Alice. I'm doing all of this _because_ I love her! I love her too much to put her in danger."

This was what I needed to her. It meant we were closer. Closer to what he needed to do so badly. He wouldn't understand but it was good.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything.

I looked back into Bella's future only to find that it was back. She was sitting in her back yard. She looked as if she' been talking to somebody. Whoever that somebody was had gone.

"It's back?" Edward's voice sounded happier than I had expected.

"Apparently. I just don't understand why it was gone in the first place." I stopped walking. It was confusing, very confusing.

"I don't understand." Edward sounded sad again.

"It can't be the -"

Edward cut me off. "No." He snarled. "They wouldn't dare."

"It makes sense. They know about the visions. Maybe they decided against whatever they wanted to do." I started walking again, closer towards the car.

_We have to find out, Edward. Future's don't just go and then come back again. _

"We will find out, Alice. I have to." Edward walked past me, sighing in defeat as he went. "I can't -" He stopped talking and walked closer towards the Volvo.

I followed, trying not to smile.

Trying to talk her had helped. At least I think so.

He was getting closer. Closer to going back. Closer to going back to her.

They both needed to do it. It was what they both needed.

I just hoped it happened soon. Before something bad happens...

**A/N: Is that a cliffy? I wouldn't say so. But if you think so...I'm sorry! **

**I hope you liked it. I'm quite pleased with it.I like writing Alice. She's fun to write. :) There is something big coming up! I have it planned in my head. But the story is probably going to 20 or 25 chapters. I'm not planning on anymore than that. :) **

**I know Edward is being an idiot. But he is coming around Give him a chance. :) **

**OMG! I found out that Tickets for New Moon are avaliable for booking here on Sunday! SUNDAY! :D Eeeeeep! *Squeeeeel* :D **

**After I wrote this. I put Scooby Doo on for one of the kids I babysit. And there was a HUGE spider. Seriously. Sitting on the floor. It was MASSIVE! I almost ran home! Lol. **

**I've got some one-shot ideas, sitting in my head. Expect a new one soon. :D **

**Anyhoo. Review please! I only got 16 reviews for the last chapter. :( I know we'll get past 200 for this one! Can we get to 210 please? That would make me uber happy! :D **

**"Cliiiiiiiiiiiiiick Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" *Pheebs Grins* See, I've taken up the nickname! I can't remember who first called him that, but Thanks! :D "Cliiiiiiick Meeeeeeee!" *Smiles Sweetly* **


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**A/N: Hey everyone! **

**It's been a few days! Sorry. I just got a lot of one-shot inspiration. If you haven't read my new ones; 'I wanna be' and 'Dry your eyes' Please, please, please go check them out! :D **

**Anyway, Happy Reading! :D**

_Previously: _

_They both needed to do it. It was what they both needed._

_I just hoped it happened soon. Before something bad happens..._

Chapter Thirteen: 

_Bella's Point of View: _

I'm not sure how long I sat in Jacob's arms, sobbing. I'd never cried this hard, not since _he'd _gone. I'd managed to keep everything pent up inside. My mask would get put up; people would see that I was okay, when really I was screaming continually on the inside. Sure, I'd break down when I was on my own, and then I'd deal with my pain. But I'd never felt this emotionally broken before. It scared me. It scared me a lot. Worst of all, I'd broken down in front of the one person I never wanted to see me cry. Jacob wasn't supposed to have to be here, holding me like this. It was fair. I was selfish. But I needed the protection. I needed somebody to be here, helping me get through the pain. It wasn't fair, but what part of life is fair?

The tears eventually began to slow, and so did the sobbing. Jacob never complained. He never even said a single word.

"Bella?"

I hadn't realised my head was rested on his shoulder until Jacob spoke. I lifted my head up and looked at him. He was frowning.

I sighed. "I-I'm so sorry Jake, I-"

He interrupted me. "It's nothing. It's what friends do." Jacob's eyes seemed to darken as he said the word 'friends'. I didn't linger on it.

"That's not the point. You shouldn't have had to see me like that. I'm sorry." I hiccupped.

"Come with me." Jacob lifted me up and stood up. He then put my feet back down on the ground so I was standing beside him.

It had happened too fast for me to complain.

Jacob took my hand and started to lead me towards the back yard. I didn't flinch away from the contact. Having his hand around mine felt...nice. In a strange sort of way. He was warm. I liked the feeling.

It was cold when we got outside. My sweater wasn't thick enough for me to not feel it. Jacob didn't seem to be worried about it, and he was only wearing a t-shirt.

"It's freezing out here." As if to prove my point, I shivered.

Jacob didn't say anything. He just kept leading me more towards the centre of the back yard. He stopped walking, and let go of my hand. He turned round to face me, his was frowning again.

"What's going on...?" I folded my arms, whilst trying not to shiver too much from the cold. It wasn't raining which was a start but it was too cold for February. Way too cold.

"Do you remember all that stuff I told you?" **(Oooooh. Hehe...) **

I was majorly confused right now. "When?"

"On the beach...last year."

_Oh. _

"Oh. That..." Why was he suddenly bringing this up?

Jacob's expression lightened slightly, but then he went right back to frowning. "Do you remember what I said...?"

"Yes." I couldn't say it out loud though; I couldn't bring myself to even think of anything to do with them. Jacob had confirmed my thoughts that day. It was the day I'd finally figured out what _he _was. "Y-You, told me about the legends." Yeah, 'legends'.

Jacob nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Jacob, what is this all about?"

"I can't say." He suddenly seemed scared, as if he'd been ordered not to say something.

"You can't say?" I raised an eyebrow in response.

He shook his head.

"So, what? I have to guess what you brought me out here for?" I added, half-jokingly of course, but something about Jacob's expression told me that I was going to have to guess.

"Just think back, Bella. If you just think about it, you'll get it."

"I'm not in the mood for this Jacob. Maybe you should leave now." I unfolded my arms, and went to walk away. Jacob reached out and grabbed my arm as I passed by him.

"_Please, _Bella."

"No, Jacob. Now let go." I tried to pull my arm away, but he had a firm hold of my arm. "You're hurting me Jacob. Let. Go."

He dropped his hand as if he'd been stung. "_I'm _hurting you?" He laughed the same dark laugh that he'd laughed only a small time ago. "You just can't get it, can you Bella?"

"What are you on about?"

"You're too interested in trying to get your _bloodsuckers _back. You don't want to let other people in. You know they aren't coming back, Bella. He doesn't-"

"Don't Jacob." I whispered, interrupting him. "Please, just don't."

"Fine. They aren't the only ones that you need Bella. Just think about it. There are other people. Think about everything I said that day, Bells. Just think..."

I stood where I was. Trying to look back on everything that Jacob had said to me that day. Everything he'd told me that had confirmed my thoughts. The things he'd said that day had changed my life.

I frowned, whilst trying to process my thoughts. I didn't say anything out loud. Jacob kept looking at me, frowning as well. He seemed scared. Maybe he was afraid I was going to break down again.

I couldn't gather my thoughts enough. Anything that I came up with didn't seem to make a lot of sense to me. Jacob had never said the word out loud. He'd mentioned something about _The Cold Ones, _and he mentioned something about _werewolves_...Something about them being the only enemy of the cold-ones. Hang on...

Werewolf?

That's ridiculous.

"Are you serious?" I whisper-yelled.

"Did you get it?" He seemed excited, I couldn't explain it. Why would anybody be excited about this?!

"I don't think so. What I came up with sounds ridiculous!"

"Really?"

"No, Jacob. I refuse to believe it. I won't. You can't be something as well!" I got angrier with each I said. I never saw this coming. "You aren't a _werewolf_!" I lowered my voice to say the word. "You know, it's just not..." I couldn't complete my sentence.

"Well it is real, Bella." Jacob's face was deadly serious. He was telling the truth.

"You can't be..." I was scared. I stepped back.

"Are you scared?!" He scoffed. "You're in love with a Vampire, and you're scared of me?!" He whisper-yelled. He was angry now. "You don't get it do you Bella! I might just be the safe one!"

"They are safe." I whispered. I didn't acknowledge what else he'd said. I'd be in trouble if I did.

"They're _bloodsuckers, _Bella. They don't deserve to be alive." He hissed.

"Go, Jacob. Just go."

"Fine. But you will understand, Bella. I'll be back. I can help you." He walked away. I didn't turn around to see him go.

I fell down onto the wet grass. I couldn't care less about getting wet. I'd sit here in the pouring rain if it meant that I could process everything.

Jacob had just told he was a werewolf, and I hadn't asked enough questions. He'd just told me that he hated the one thing that I'd hoped to become one day. He'd just told me that more of what I used to believe as fairy-tales existed. I couldn't process it. I couldn't think about it. It made me hurt.

My chest began to protest from the thoughts. I pulled my knees up to my chest, and wrapped my arms around them. A sob escaped my lips. I'd done too much crying today. I'd broken down already today, and now here I was crying again.

I turned my wrist over and looked at the scars that were there. The scars that represented so much more than I'd ever thought they would.

I couldn't do this anymore. Knowing that so much more was true. Still knowing I had to go to school and face the torture every single day. Knowing that even after everything that had happened, I did still love him. Knowing that no matter how much I hurt myself I'd never be able to get better.

I had to stop this. Stop all the pain, so it wouldn't ever be able to come back. Once and for all...

**A/N: I hope that was okay. I have to say, I think it's kinda crappy. Sorry that Bella finding out is not very good. This chapter isn't that amazing. But I need to get back into the good stuff. I guess we could call this a filler chapter? :) I still hope you all liked it! **

**I'm set on where this is going now. :) I'm thinking about probably 20 chapters. Maybe 25. I'll see. :) You probably all know what's going to happen anyway. I'm not one of un-happy endings. Apart from my depressing one-shots. Lol. Those are the exception! **

**21 Reviews on the last chapter and 218 overall! You guyss! That's amazing! Thank you! :D It seems as though you like Alice chapters! :D **

**OMG! I'm ordering my New Moon Tickets tomorrow! *Squeal* I'm sooo excited! 33 Days, baby! :D I cannot wait, seriously! :D **

**Pleaseee Review. They do make me so happy! :) Pheebo is exceptionally happy at the moment, since he keeps getting so many! Do you think we could get up to 230 for this chapter? That means 22 reviews. But I know we can do it! :D I won't say 'I won't update until I get that many' Because I don't like doing that. Lol. But if we could get there, it would be epic! :D **

**"Cliiiiiiiiiiiiiick Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Please? Click him and make us both very happy! :D **

**P.S. If you haven't already, please go and check out my new One-Shots! Thanks! Review this first though! :D "Cliiiiiiiiiick Meeeeeeeee!" Pheebo! He's always barging in... **


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**A/N: There's a slight surprise in this chapter. :) I hope you all like it. Well, it's not that amazing. **

**Happy Reading! :D **

_Previously: _

_I couldn't do this anymore. Knowing that so much more was true. Still knowing I had to go to school and face the torture every single day. Knowing that even after everything that had happened, I did still love him. Knowing that no matter how much I hurt myself I'd never be able to get better. _

_I had to stop this. Once and for all..._

Chapter Fourteen: 

_Bella's point of view: _

After a while, I decided that I had to go back inside. I couldn't keep sitting outside, in the cold. It wouldn't do me any good, but it wasn't like I cared anymore.

I'd sat outside for a long time, just trying to process everything. I don't think any of it had really sunk in. I don't how I was supposed to try and process it all. I think it was basically impossible.

Was I really supposed to believe Jacob? Or was he just trying to make me feel worse about everything?

I'd never thought that he could do that, Jacob had always been here. Well, for the last month or so anyway. I'd never thought he'd lie to me, but then again I'd never thought that _he'd _lie to me either. And look where that had got me.

I was walking up the stairs just as Charlie arrived home. I carried on up the stairs, not bothering with answering him. I wasn't even sure if he'd spoken to me.

How had I gotten so bad again? I'd promised myself that I'd get better, not only for myself but for my Dad as well. I'd promised that I'd try and get better, that I'd try and heal.

I didn't want _him _to have the satisfaction of knowing he'd hurt me. If he was even capable of that. I wasn't even sure if he could feel anything anymore.

I didn't want to linger on the thoughts.

I'd ignored Alice today, not being able to face her. Just because she reminded me too much of him. It wasn't fair. Nothing was fair anymore.

I got up the stairs and headed straight for the bathroom. This is what I'd come home for in the first place. I needed too. I couldn't just ignore it now.

I found the thing that I was looking for, and held it in my fingers, trying to get a good look at it. It wasn't really that different to when I'd first found that I could use it. And that it was effective it helping to numb the pain that I'd first felt, and that for some reason I was feeling even more just recently.

I turned my wrist over; I was now almost permanently scarred from what I'd done. They reached almost half-way up to the inside of my elbow. The ones that were at the top of my wrist were healed, but still scarred. The newer ones looked awful, for the right word. I didn't really care. I didn't care enough of anything at the moment.

I looked at my other wrist, at the other scar that was there. I couldn't bring myself to remember how I'd gotten it. It was just there, paler looking than the rest of my arm, but it was still etched onto my skin forever now. Just like the other ones, I guess.

I couldn't help almost remembering, it made my chest begin to throb. It was just...stupid. Why would this make me hurt?

There were lots of perfectly good reasons why it would.

I brought my other wrist back up, and then brought the razor down onto my skin.

One. Two. Three. Four.

Four times.

The slashes began to bleed. I don't think I was even noticing it, not properly anyway. I slipped down onto the bathroom floor, clutching my sides from the sudden throbbing pain that was racking through me.

The tears began to pour from my eyes, and the sobs began to rack through me. I tried to hold them in, so that Charlie wouldn't hear, but it was probably useless anyway.

I couldn't go on like this anymore. There wasn't any point in really being here, when I knew that I still had to be around _him_. He was still a part of my life, even if he wasn't in it. He'd always be a part of me. My heart would never belong to anybody else.

There wasn't any point. There just wasn't.

But what was I even going to do about it? How could I solve such a big problem? A problem that I knew what never going to go away. It was just impossible.

Or was it...?

* * *

_Jacob's point of view: __**(Sorry, if this is really awful. I've never written Jacob's POV before. And you guys know how much I hate him!)**_

How could I have been so stupid?

I don't think I'd ever really know why they could mean so much to her. He'd left her anyway. He didn't love her anymore. So why couldn't she just move on. There where people that were so much better for her anyway...

Why was she still hanging on? He wouldn't come back. Yet, she still had this belief that maybe he would. That maybe he did still love her and that everything could go right back to being how it was.

It was wrong...Just wrong.

I'd still been an absolute idiot. Yelling at her didn't hurt. But my emotions had been such a mess since the transformation. **(Yeah? That's right? Ugh! I'm not a wolf person! Leave it! Please? :) **I just got angry so easily. I couldn't go back; I'd be in _so _much trouble for telling Bella. I'd just broken just about every rule.

I'd not technically told her, but still. It just amazed me how broken she really was. I hadn't believed that she'd be this bad. I thought that after all this time; she might have gotten a little bit better. Even after all this time, she was just not healed. I don't think she was even there half the time.

I was brought out of my thoughts, it hit me before I'd even realised there was something there.

_Vampire... _

I stood up from the ground. Yes, I'd been sitting there wallowing in everything. But I guess I was scared to go back. I really would be in a lot of trouble. **(Haha. Jacob. Ha. Ha.) **

Why was I still here? Shouldn't I just go?

It would only be a Cullen anyway. Wouldn't it?

I spun round just as they appeared.

Oh, even better.

_What does he want anyway? _

"Jacob?"

"What do you want?" _Stupid, bloodsucker. _What's he even doing here? By Bella's house.

"Really? You leave, but you still come back? Isn't that slightly pathetic?" _That made no sense, at all. _

He seemed to flinch at my words. But he didn't say anything.

I made the mistake of breathing in, whilst trying to calm myself down. I didn't really need to change right now. I'd only get into more trouble if I did something. Stupid treaty.

"She doesn't know I'm there."

What? "What?" I clenched my fists and held them at my sides. Trying to control the shaking. "Can you not even see what you've done to her anyway? Do you not even care? Because of you, she's this broken person, who feels the need to hurt herself. And because of you, she can't have a normal conversation with anybody. Because of you, she's not who she used to be. So don't tell me, that anything you did was the right thing because none of it was. And whatever you do now still isn't the right thing." I stopped talking before I ended up getting so angry, and then doing something I'd get in trouble for.

I couldn't do this. I had to get out of here.

I turned round, and ran away. Running too fast and still trying to not be angry. It didn't work and I ended up transforming, half-stride. I didn't care.

_Jacob. Home. Right now. _

I didn't have to acknowledge the voice; I knew who it would be.

_Coming._

I carried on running, pushing my legs faster. Getting away from the broken girl, that I once believed would be okay, and would get over the heartbreak. Getting away from the pathetic bloodsucker, which even after all this time, couldn't decide anything, and did all the wrong things. But pushing myself closer to all the trouble I'd be in when I arrived back home.

Anything I did now would be useless. I knew I wouldn't be able to help Bella. Nobody would. She was far too broken to even be helped into healing. There wasn't any getting away from it.

**A/N: How was that then? I hope you guys like my little 'surprise'. Thats the first time I've written Jacob's POV. How was it? I hope it was okay! :D **

**I've had the little Edward/Jacob confrontation in my head for a while, it was going to be worse than that. But I made it small. :) I don't want Jacob to hurt Edward. Even if he does deserve it. **

**One Month, baby! :D The countdown is ON! :D I am SOOOOO Excited! :D I've got my tickets! :D Who else has got theirs? Me and three of my friends, are seeing the first showing of the day. 11.45. :D We've got the day off school, and all the other schools will be at school. So hopefully it won't be that busy. Although it probably will be. Haha. **

**238 reviews?! You guys that is amazing! :D **

**Although, I do have some bad news. :( What I said about this story going on for about 20 chapters, isn't the case anymore. I can't drag it out any longer. I feel that If I do, I'm just making it more angtsy. And It's pretty angsty as it is! So, now, I'm anticpating, maybe two and an epilouge**** (If I write an epilouge) and thats all that will be left. :( I know what the ending will be. There might be three and an epilouge. It really does depend on what I write. So, d****o you think we could get as close to 300 reviews for the whole story as possible? That would be amazing. :D **

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	16. Chapter Fifteen

**A/N: Here we go everybody. :) **

**Happy Reading! :D **

_Previously: _

_I carried on running, pushing my legs faster. Getting away from the broken girl, that I once believed would be okay, and would get over the heartbreak. Getting away from the pathetic bloodsucker, which even after all this time, couldn't decide anything, and did all the wrong things. But pushing myself closer to all the trouble I'd be in when I arrived back home. _

_Anything I did now would be useless. I knew I wouldn't be able to help Bella. Nobody would. She was far too broken to even be helped into healing. There wasn't any getting away from it. _

Chapter Fifteen: 

_Bella's Point of View: _

I don't remember getting here. I don't remember getting in my truck. I don't even remember getting up off the bathroom floor.

So, I don't really know what I was doing here.

Well, I think subconsciously I knew why I was here; I just didn't want to acknowledge it. If I told myself why I was here, then it would really be true, and this is what I'd really decided on doing.

I don't think I actually wanted to do that.

I was currently sitting in my truck. Contemplating on whether to get out of the truck or just own up to being the real coward that I am and go back home.

My chest was still throbbing from earlier. I think it was almost a constant thing now. I knew this pain was never going to go away. I'd known this from the first day I'd hurt myself. But, I think it had become more apparent to me when I'd had my absolute breakdown the other day.

That had been the point when I'd begun to realise a lot of things. I wasn't about to re-live the things I'd realised. It would only make the throbbing worse than it already is.

Almost doing any sort of thinking made the pain worse. This is why I never paid any attention in school anymore, and why I'd give up most days and come home. Because, if I couldn't bear to think about things to do with _him _how could I even bear to look at him, every single day?

Sure, I'd get out of there soon and go off to college, but, it wouldn't work out. I couldn't leave. If I left it would be as if nothing ever existed. It would be as if all this stuff I'd known to be true would just disappear. I'd forget everything. And as much as I didn't want to remember the things I'd found out about, I didn't want to forget them either.

Even if that is what _he _wanted. _He _has also asked me not to do anything stupid or reckless, and look at the situation I was in at the moment. This is what _he'd _put me in. It was all too much now, it was as if I just couldn't bare it anymore.

This is the reason I was here. I was here to stop it. I didn't want the pain anymore, and this is why I'd come to this decision. It would be an end, once and for all.

* * *

_Alice's Point of View: _

What was she doing?! Nothing was being decided on, it was all just flickers. She'd think of something one minute and then the next it would be a totally different decision!

I know that I shouldn't be looking into her future, but to be perfectly honest I don't even care anymore. She needs helps and that's what I'm going to do.

Well, not me personally but I'm...

_NO!! _

She can't! No, No, NO!

"Alice?"

_Not now! _I practically screamed in my head.

I sat down at the top of the stairs. I heard him come up behind me, and sit down next to me but I didn't acknowledge his presence.

_Do you see what you've done now? _

"What do you mean?"

I didn't look at him, and I didn't say anything else. I just played back the vision in my head for him to see.

I heard the unnecessary intake of breath he took. "Why?"

_She's decided it's the only way she can get away from everything. This is what she's decided on, Edward. _I could hardly bring myself to say the words I'd just said, let along think them.

"I have to –" He stood up and bolted down the stairs.

_Edward! The – _

He cut my thoughts off. "Screw it."

The next vision I got confirmed my hopes. He finally realised what he'd needed to.

It had taken him long enough, but he'd finally got there.

I just hoped that it didn't change...

* * *

_Bella's point of view:_

I'd gotten out of my truck a long time ago, and right now I was just standing still. Everything was suddenly so real and so true now.

I'd walked quite a long way. I didn't really know my way around here, so I'd just kept walking until I found somewhere.

I could see the ocean, splashing up against the sides of the rock, smell the salt coming off the water. It was kind of refreshing in a way. I hadn't gotten this close to the water in a long time.

The clouds were a scarily black colour. A storm was headed this way or at least a very bad rainstorm. The ocean was reacting, as the current suddenly got faster and the waves came crashing against the rock harder and louder than before.

I wasn't taking it as a sign. This was my decision. It was the only way to finally be free from the all the pain. Because he was never coming back, and he wasn't going to save me. He couldn't be the Prince who'd come and ride up beside me and take me away somewhere.

None of that was a possibility anymore. All of that had gone 6 months ago when he'd said those words to me.

The words I couldn't even bring myself to remember.

I wasn't the person I used to be. I'd been changed and now I was this broken girl, a girl who was never going to be the same again. I couldn't be who everybody wanted me to be.

It was apparent that _he'd _never really loved me. _He'd _never really wanted to be with me forever, like he'd said. Because, if he really loved me when he'd still be here, and I wouldn't be standing here about to do this.

The rain began to fall from the sky, as the tears began to fall down my face. Mixing the rain and my tears together.

The rain got heavier, causing the current in the ocean to speed up. The waves came crashing against the rock faster and louder than before.

It had never really occurred to me the real reason. _He'd _only used me. All I'd been is something that he'd used to pass the time. I'd just be something to pass the time. He had forever after all. What else was he supposed to do?

I didn't bother snaking my arm around my torso. It wouldn't stop the throbbing that had been constant in me for the last two or more hours.

I'd just been a toy, a fragile human toy.

A few loud sobs broke through, and I tried to wipe my face of the tears, but there wasn't a lot of point. The rain was falling too fast for it to make any effect.

I'd honestly tried. I'd spent all this time trying to keep myself intact. Trying not to let Charlie see just how broken I really was. I'd tried so hard, but there just wasn't any point anymore.

I stepped closer to the edge. My heart beat kicked up a notch, beating hard in my chest. Everything inside me was screaming to run away, to not be here. I should go home to my Dad. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be about to do this.

I wasn't going to listen.

I had to think the words. Even though I'd spent all the time not wanting to think of them I had to. I thought them so they rang clear in my mind.

It had never been in so true. Because even after everything it really was still true.

_Edward, I love you. _

I stepped a little bit closer, until I was almost at the edge of the rock.

Then I heard the voice. The voice I'd been waiting to here. The voice I'd spent the last 6 months searching for. The voice that I'd know anywhere. Whether it was in the middle of a dream, or a storm, I'd know because it was the most important sound in my world.

"Bella..."

* * *

**A/N: Talk about a cliffy! How evil am I? Wasn't that just the best place to leave it! **

**This is it everybody, the second to last chapter. Tomorrow will be the last chapter. *Sob*. I can't believe this is almost over! **

**Anyways. I know this was pretty angsty, I think I almost outdid myself. I swear, I better never attempt humour. I just won't be any good at it, I doubt. Lol. **

**You should all know the ending by now anyway. It's pretty obvious. :) **

**Do you know how much trouble we are having with our NM tickets? It's ridiculous! It's fine though, we hope to get it sorted Monday. I'll let you all know! :D **

**If any of you guys read 'A New Beginning' or 'A Not-So' New Beginning' then pleaseeee check out the new AN. :) I've had ideas about doing another sequel. I've got a poll up on my page so if you want a new sequel then pleaseeeeee go vote! :D It means a lot to me!**

**Anyways. Review please! 257, baby! :D If we could get to 300 for the whole story it would be EPIC! :D Do you think we could try for that? I got 19 for the last chapter. I'm hoping we could get more for the last chapters! :D **

**Get your typing fingers out! :D **

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	17. Chapter Sixteen

**A/N: Last chapter everybody. (: **

**Happy reading! :D**

_Previously: _

_Edward, I love you. _

_I stepped a little bit closer, until I was almost at the edge of the rock._

_Then I heard the voice. The voice I'd been waiting to here. The voice I'd spent the last 6 months searching for. The voice that I'd know anywhere. Whether it was in the middle of a dream, or a storm, I'd know because it was the most important sound in my world._

"_Bella..."_

Chapter Sixteen: 

_Edward's point of view:_

After Alice had shown me the vision, I knew there was only thing left for me to do.

I had to stop her. I had no other choice but to do exactly that.

I knew that everything I had said to her, six months earlier had all been a lie. I'd never expected her to believe me, and when she did it was...awful. It told me that I really _was _the monster I'd always thought myself to be.

I'd thought that not being with her would save her from everything. Yet, that was impossible, she always seemed to attract danger, whatever she did. But I'd never ever thought that she would _hurt _herself.

I'd foolishly believed that she'd forget that she'd move on with her life. That she'd be human. That once school was finished she'd go onto college and do all the things she was supposed to. All the things that I could never give her.

But now, knowing what she was planning to do, I couldn't do this any longer. I couldn't lie to both myself or to Bella anymore.

I had to stop her. I just _had _to.

* * *

_Bella's point of view:_

"Bella..."

His voice went right through me. I didn't believe he was really there. He couldn't be.

Maybe I was hallucinating, maybe that would explain it. My mind was playing tricks on me. He wasn't really here; my mind was telling me he was here, because it knew that's what I wanted to think.

I stepped closer. My feet were almost hanging off the edge. One more step and I'd fall. I'd fall into the ocean. The now, dark, cold, and fierce water.

"Bella!" His voice sounded anguished. It sounded closer as well. Closer than it had been a few seconds ago. It felt like longer. It felt like I'd been standing here for hours, when it had only been a matter of minutes.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't do this to myself. I couldn't do this to Charlie. It wasn't fair. I'd known this all along, knew that I'd never go through with this. I was a coward. A torn, heartbroken coward.

I was still crying, the tears pouring down my face and mixing with the rain that was soaking me.

I stepped back a few paces, so I was no longer standing right against the edge of the rock. A loud sob broke through my mouth before my legs folded under me, causing me to fall onto the wet ground, beneath me.

"Bella." He whispered. It was closer now, closer than it had been. Was it just my hallucination? I'd never experienced it before, but maybe it had something to do with being an inch away from death. But, why would it still be here? Hadn't it done its purpose? It had stopped me from killing myself, surely it wasn't needed anymore.

"Please." I didn't realise I'd said the word out loud; until I heard myself say it. Another loud sob broke through, causing the burning in my chest to get even worse. "Please."

"How could you be so stupid?" He whispered.

And then before I could even register what was happening, his arms were wrapped around me, pulling my soaking wet close to him.

He was real. He was really here. He wasn't just an apparition or a hallucination. He was real, and he was here, holding me.

Wait! No! No, no, no! This shouldn't be happening.

"No!" My voice broke, causing the single word I said to come out strangled. I pushed against him feebly, it wouldn't have a lot of effect, and I had no energy and no strength to really do this. "No. Don't please!" I whispered. "Please."

"Bella?" He sounded confused.

"Let go of me!" I shrieked. Good, the anger had bubbled up.

His arms dropped from around me, and I pushed myself back. I lifted my head up, and moved some hair out of my face. Really looking at him for the first time.

His face was contorted in pain, but his golden eyes studied me. As if he was afraid of what I was going to do next. He was...beautiful. I already knew that, but I'd been too afraid to even look at him over the past 6 months, seeing him now, my dreams and my thoughts had not paid justice to him. He was even more extraordinary that I'd ever remembered.

I pushed myself up off the ground, although my body protested, I was both emotionally and physically exhausted, but I had to get away from here.

I didn't stumble when I got up, but I couldn't remember where I'd parked my truck. I'd wandered over to this way, so I couldn't even remember where I had to go.

I was useless.

I stopped walking, and let the sobs overtake me. I couldn't do this. I was trying to tell myself that I had to be strong, but I couldn't. Not anymore.

I'd had enough of this; it had been going on for too long. I just wanted everything to go back to how it used to be.

"Bella."

He came up to me again, and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. Neither the closeness nor the fact that I was soaking wet seemed to be affecting him.

I couldn't put my arms around him as well; it would mean that all of this was really real, that this was really happening.

I continued to cry, making my body wrack from the sobs that were coming out of me. It didn't seem to matter to either of us that it was still pouring with rain, and here we were standing in the middle of it.

"I'm s-sorry." I whispered against him.

"I should be the one saying sorry." He said.

I pulled my head back, and looked at him. I'd pay for this later that was for sure.

He frowned, and then looked down at me. The corners of his mouth, pulling upwards into an almost smile.

"Why are you really here?" I whispered. I'm not sure if I wanted to know the truth. I was scared, because even though I knew he was just going to leave me again, a part of me was hoping that he wouldn't.

My lungs panged at the sudden pain, almost causing me to gasp.

Edward unwrapped his arms from around me and ran a hand through his hair.

He took my hand, the coldness of it made me shiver slightly, but if he noticed he didn't say anything, and led us away from where we were standing.

"No. Stop." I whispered. I pulled my hand away from his grip and stopped walking. "Don't."

He turned round to face me, frowning again, and for a split second I thought that if it was possible he'd be crying.

He stepped a few steps closer, but I stepped back. The hurt on his face became more evident than before.

"Tell me, why you're really here."

I didn't care that I was still standing in the pouring rain, and I didn't care that the tears were still streaming down my face. I wanted answers, and I wanted them now.

"Alice saw what you were going to do." He said bluntly. "I couldn't stay away from you anymore, Bella. I had to stop you."

"But...Why?" I was dumber enough to ask.

He stepped closer once more, and I didn't move back this time.

He breathed in, and then looked into my eyes. I couldn't avert my gaze even if I wanted to. I was entranced.

"Because, I love you." He whispered.

"No, you don't." Were the words that came out of my mouth. "Because if you did, I wouldn't have spent the last 6 months on my own, and I wouldn't have been forced to do this to myself." I lifted my arm up, showing him the slashes that were forever etched onto my skin.

He grabbed my arm, holding it upwards so he could look at the scars, and then he looked back at me. "Tell me that your feelings have changed, and then I'll go right back to not being in your life." Even as he said the words, he face contorted in pain.

"Of course I love you. That is never going to change, and there's nothing you can do about it." I hiccupped at the end.

Edward didn't say anything. He dropped my arm that he was holding, and took my face in between his hands. He leaned closer, and pressed his lips against mine. And in that moment, everything crumbled.

The hatred I thought I'd felt for him at the beginning, the pain of being on my own vanished, the pain in my chest disappeared, and most of all, my heart felt intact again. I wasn't broken anymore. Edward really loved me, and that was all that mattered.

He pulled away, but kept his hands on either side of my face. "I'll never leave you again." He whispered.

Even as I tried to not believe him, I had to. Because if I didn't I'd have nothing else left.

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

Those words suddenly became the most important in my life, and as he leaned forward to kiss me once more, I knew that everything from now on was going to be okay, because Edward was here, and he _did _love me. That was all I would ever need.

**The End. **

* * *

**A/N: Ah, I'm not sure about the way I ended it. I hope it was okay! I need it to be okay, because otherwise I've just ruined a good story! **

**Oh shit. I'm sorry guys! I feel awful now. I made you wait ages, and then I just wrote a crappy last chapter. I don't seem to be able to write last chapters. Maybe I sub-consciously don't want to end it or something.**

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**So, all is fine now. You should have all seen that happy ending coming, yeah? Actually, it might grow on me. I'm hoping it will grow on me. (: I just added a little bit as I was writing this, and I like the end more now. (: **

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